God in the center of our relationships

Posts tagged ‘lust’

Women’s point of view on men looking at porn.

Fact: Did you know that U.S. porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of the ABC, CBA and NBC television networks (6.2 billion).

“When a woman is dating a guy who is looking at porn. It makes her feel like he’s cheating on her. Is he really so weak and desperate for sex that he has to pretend he’s getting it from some imaginary woman he’ll never meet? Sorry. guys, but for most of us girls. It just makes you slimy.If you want to avoid looking desperate. Avoid looking at porn.
It’s just plain ugly.” – Hayley DiMarco.

Christian: If you’re a guy reading this you think you’re struggling with porn. I would like to encourage you this battle can be won. But you cannot do it alone. We men need help from other men to fight with us. And of course, we need God’s help as well. Please email me at christian.ongtangco@gmail.com if you need more information and help about it.

Why Marriage Cannot Save you

By Sean Si

As single men and women, we all look forward to that glorious day when we will be married to the person we love. It is something that we all hope and aspire for. In a world saturated with pornography, sex and indulgence, lust is rampant. And we think that the solution is marriage – isn’t it?


Don’t wait for marriage to change you


This entry has been inspired by the book Every Young Man’s Battle by Fred Stoeker and Stephen Arterburn

A sanctuary against lust?

We think that once we get married, lust is not an issue anymore. Hey, we can satisfy our sexual desires in a way that is legitimate and morally acceptable to God in marriage, can we not? Yes, of course we can. But that doesn’t mean that we won’t get tempted with lust anymore.

From a very young age, people now are very vulnerable to getting exposed with pornography. And young Christian men and women struggle with lust ever since they can remember. Let’s face it, one reason why we look forward to marriage so much is because we have this mindset that it will somehow free us from this bondage of lust.

It most certainly won’t. Why? Simply because marriage does not, in any way, change who you are.


A piece of paper

I’m not saying that marriage should be taken for granted. No. Marriage is a piece of paper that testifies to your choice of committment and love to another person. It is proof that you have decided on abiding to a higher law. A law above your feelings and emotions and time. It is a law outside of this world. It is a law of God.

That piece of paper is vital. It is important. Never do business with a person who says otherwise.

But a piece of paper is not meant to change who you are. You are the only one who can change yourself – by making a choice. A choice to love and follow God and reject sin and lust.

That is why so many people wake up and realize that a wedding ring isn’t magic. A wedding ring is not a catalyst to changing who they are. And that is exactly because it is not meant to do so. A wedding ring is meant to be proof that you have decided to love someone unconditionally and nothing else. It is not meant to change you.


Don’t wait ’til marriage

Decide to fight lust now. Look at the truths about lust in the Bible and how devastating it is to just let it run loose in your life. It’s not easy. It takes decision, disciple and the Holy Spirit to help you overcome lust. But the alternative is devastating – living life with an addiction to lustful thoughts and sensuality.

Lust can destroy your marriage. Don’t wait until marriage for you to change. Look at all the adulterous relationships happening in our world. Married men are hooked into adultery, addicted to pornography and defeated into masturbation. Don’t think that once you’re married, masturbation goes out the window. It doesn’t.

Marriage is not about getting sex. If you make it so, you’re not really committing to love unconditionally. Sex is a part of marriage, not vice versa.

Lust is something that consistently knocks

on your door. Marriage is not something that can block it out.

Marriage can’t save you.

Don’t wait until you get there. Make a decision to stand against lust today.


It isn’t love if…



For all you people who say “I love you” when you have no clue what exactly love is !!!

Something to ponder upon…


Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing
and is your voice caught within your chest?

-It isn’t love, it’s LIKE.

You can’t keep your eyes or hands off of
them, am I right??

-It isn’t love, it’s LUST.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off??

-It isn’t love, it’s LUCK.

Do you want them because you know they’re

-It isn’t love, it’s LONELINESS.

Are you there because it’s what everyone

-It isn’t love, it’S LOYALTY.

Are you there because they kissed you, or
held your hand??

-It isn’t love, it’s LOW CONFIDENCE.

Do you stay for their confessions of love,
because you don’t want to hurt them??

-It isn’t love, it’s PITY.

Do you belong to them because their sight
makes your heart skip a beat??

-It isn’t love, it’s INFATUATION.

Do you pardon their faults because you care
about them??

-It isn’t love, it’s FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell them every day they are the only
one you think of??

-It isn’t love, it’s a LIE.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite
things for their sake??

-It isn’t love, it’s CHARITY.

Does your heart ache and break when they’re

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they’re

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch
your soul so deeply it hurts??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls
you close and holds you there??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you accept their faults because they’re a
part of who they are??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them
faithfully without regret??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your

-Then it’s LOVE.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so,
why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self? Why?
The answer is so simple cause it’s…LOVE.

Six Signs The Dating Relationship Is In Trouble…

a repost from Perry Noble’s blog

In working with college students and singles for over a decade…here are six signs you can use to see whether or not your relationship may be in trouble.

#1 – You Are Not Spiritually Compatible.

I hear it all the time, “But Perry, I know he/she is not a Christian, but dating me will change that.” Let me be very clear…God did call us to be missionaries, but not on the dating field. He is very clear in His Word that Christians and non-Christians should not date (II Corinthians 6:14-15). And trust me, this always leads to problems down the road–always!

AND…you are NOT the Holy Spirit–He changes people–and not through dating. “But Perry, I know this one couple and…” Yes, I know…you know a success story or two, trust me–I know MANY more stories that didn’t turn out so good.

One more thing on this–even among Christians you need to decide if you are spiritually compatible if the relationship gets serious. This will require some serious conversations and a serious seeking of Scripture on a personal level to really own what you believe and why. (I Peter 3:15)
#2 – You Have To Continually Defend The Relationship–Especially To Those Who Love You.

They say love is blind…and I would say that is just about right in many instances I have seen. He/she begins dating someone and, after a few dates the term “reasonable decision” is thrown out the window. People come to you, confront you…but you just won’t hear it because you are determined that this is THE one.  (If you say that with everyone you date–face it–you have issues!!!)
The Bible says in Proverbs 27:6 that wounds from a friend can be trusted. So, ask yourself, if your friends who love you keep expressing concern should you ignore it–OR–at least be willing to lay the relationship before the Lord to just see if He might be trying to communicate to you through your friends.

#3 – PDA

Couples who make out in public make me want to throw up! Lucretia and I were on an airplane once and the couple in front of us in their 40’s were on some sort of romantic fling. After the plane took off they reclined their seats (which REALLY cramped me) and then began a make out session. FOLKS–I SAW TONGUE! It was SICK!

It is great when couples affirm their love for one another publicly; however, is putting your hands in each others back pockets really that necessary?

PDA usually is prevalent when there is an extremely insecure person (or people) in the relationship. They think that by showing the world that they are practically obsessed with one another that somehow that will solidify the relationship–when it actually causes it to erode because a solid relationship is built on trust–and if trust is not present when two people are with one another–how can it be present with they are apart. (PDA guys usually tend to be overly possessive as well…and PDA girls…like it or not, have a reputation because people think, “If that is what she does in public–what happens in private?)

My advice–go with Ephesians 5:3 on this one!

#4 – Sex IS The Relationship

If you want to create insecurity, guilt, mistrust and confusion in a relationship…then by all means, have sex. BUT if you want the I Corinthians 13 kind of relationship that honors God then sex MUST be avoided…no matter what.

I have seen couples who really do love Jesus choose to have sex, thus creating a tension in their relationship with God and one another. (I almost said, “fall into the sex trap;” however, people do not trip, fall and accidentally have sex on the way down (oops, sorry about that)…it is a choice.) AND as a result of this choice the relationship no longer becomes about getting to know one another–it becomes about how the couple can manipulate time and circumstances and even other people so that they can get alone to have sex.

Sex is a STRONG temptation! But I Corinthians 10:13 promises us we can handle that temptation. I know it’s tough to not have sex before marriage, trust me, Lucretia and I dated for almost four years before getting married!!! BUT…we went into marriage with no regrets in regards to our relationship with one another–it wasn’t always easy…but it was the RIGHT thing to do.

#5 – You Hope That Marriage Will Change The Person. 

I say if often around here–marriage is a magnifier…if he/she is that way before marriage then they will REALLY be that way afterwards.

When you decide to get married you need to have an “as is” attitude–that meaning that you are willing to marry that person “as is,” and if that person NEVER changes a thing that you will be committed to loving them for the rest of your life.

Too often couples go into a relationship thinking that, once married, things will change…and that is NOT the case.  I can honestly say that I spent a lot of time thinking about this before asking ‘Cretia to marry me…I married an awesome woman, but I didn’t change her into one–she was already awesome before EVER marrying me!

#6 – You Find Yourself Trying To Bargain With God.

If you are currently in a relationship and, every time you pray and sincerely seek the Lord about it you just KNOW it isn’t right–then–it isn’t right.

I remember a relationship I was in once that I knew I shouldn’t be in…but could not figure out why.  She was a great girl, loved Jesus and we enjoyed one another’s company–but something just was not right.

Finally I began to bargain with God and say things like, “OK God, if I feel this way in two weeks then I will end it.”  Two weeks later, same feeling…so I would say, “OK, what I meant to say was if I REALLY feel this way and a green monkey appears to me the next time I go to Wal Mart…”

Get the picture?

If God says it’s wrong then He’s not changing His mind.  He’s never had to say “oops” or “My bad” in regards to anything.  The reason I held on to the relationship I knew I didn’t need to be in was because of my personal struggle with insecurity.  I finally obeyed the Lord and made the painful decision to trust Him instead of the dating deal…and through that experience He led me to establish a solid friendship with and eventually marry the most awesome and incredible woman on the planet.

God is TOTALLY into relationships…marriage was HIS idea–AND–when dating and marriage are done in HIS ways…things just work.

Our sexuality is a gift from God. Fight for Purity.

I remember a few weeks ago a friend of mine ask me a question which I want blog about today. The question was “Now that you (Me and Ayi) are in a relationship, we’re there any temptations? Whoa! I admire my friend for asking that question showing real concern for us. And I really thank God for surrounding us with friends who love us and are really there to support and encourage, mentor, inspire us and pray for us.  (I also thank God for our leaders and friends who exemplified Godly lives, worth emulating of whom both of us are so blessed and inspired to have known.) Grabe lalim ng English ko hehe!

So how did I answer my friend’s question? I said “Ah Yes, Oo naman”.  All the more now that We have known each other more and we’re both “in love” with one another, the enemy, our sinful nature is there lurking around finding for opportunities to “steal, kill and destroy this God given relationship. So may I present to everyone reading this blog “We are at war ! “ against sin, against sexual immorality.

God warns us about sexual immorality. In Ephesians 5:3-7 (NIV) God’s word warns us specifically about sexual immorality.  “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people”.

Sexual immorality can control one’s life. What takes root through the power of suggestion quickly overtakes one’s entire life.  Sexual immorality is sharing God’s gift with anyone other than your marriage partner.  The word for sexual immorality covers everything including premarital sexual relations, adultery, pornography, living together without marriage, and more.

Sexual immorality is a false promise.  It promises happiness, but never delivers happiness.  It promises deeper love and intimacy, but leaves one empty and broken.  If you were a thinking intelligent person, you would pay attention to the place that sexual immorality has brought its own practitioners.  Does promiscuity satisfy?  Does fornication build a stronger marriage?  Does adultery lead to happiness?  Does pornography satisfy the soul?  Does it bring healing and wholeness? the answer is a big NO.

Sexual sin stirs the wrath of God. And it deeply angers God.  It profanes his holy nameIn Ephesians 5:6 (NIV) Paul says, “because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient.”  More importantly, It breaks the heart of our loving God. He desires and wants the best for us at the right time.

Our sinful nature is awfully powerful. All sin, but especially sexual sin, can be captivating and alluring and powerful.  It is so easy for us to push out into the currents of the sinful nature.  It is so easy to be fall into the trap of lust. It is so easy to let our curiosity get the best of us.  It is easy to cast aside all judgment and constraint, to silence our conscience, and to drift far beyond the boundaries that God has set for us. Dami na kinailangang ikasal kaagad unprepared and hindi pa sila ready.

With the click of a mouse, with the touch of a remote, with the turn of a page, with the curious second glance at a stranger, with an inviting gaze into another’s eyes, with a few seemingly careless words and innocent gestures, with the careful recalculation of our steps to place ourselves at temptation’s door, we can easily be swept downstream, far away, to a place of no return.

 Sexual immorality impacts everyone.  No one is exempt.  It is a male problem.  It is a female problem.  It is a youth problem.  It is an adult problem.  It is a problem for singles and for married couples.  It is a problem among senior citizens. When Paul says that there should not be even a hint of sexual immorality among us, he doesn’t put any qualifiers on it.  This word applies to everyone.

Our sexuality is a gift from God. Our sexuality when used according to God’s design, these good gifts bring joy and happiness.  But when these good gifts are abused, they produce brokenness and sorrow. When God’s design is abandoned, our sexuality can become a kind of curse.  When handled incorrectly, sexuality can produce brokenness and sorrow, cause pain, decimate life’s relationships, corrupt the heart, mind, body and soul, and steal us away from God himself.  We live or die according to God’s design.  We can either move deeper into joy and happiness by living within God’s will or we can break ourselves against God’s design. Pre-marital sex is not God’s plan for us. Sex at the right time is God glorifying. It’s part of His good ,pleasing and perfect will for us.

If you find yourself weak in this area, only God’s grace can help us and enable us to win war against lust but we got to declare war against sin first. Know that you are not beyond the grace of God.  God wants to forgive you.  He wants to fill you with his Holy Spirit to give you power and strength.  He wants to purify you from all unrighteousness

We choose to enjoy God. Our holiness is the fruit of delighting ourselves to Him. Good news, victory is already made available for us to claim. We have God’s help, His saving grace, and His salvation. Let us always keep in mind that everyday we are at war with sin, The devil’s plans and schemes, But God’s spirit is always there to remind us, warn us, strengthen, and teach us to say NO to any ungodliness and worldly passion to grant us victory. Victory is ours,so let’s claim it everyday. Pray unceasingly for the mind of Christ to keep us from any form of sin. We (Me and Ayi) really like this next verse, we even memorize it.

“For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.  It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age.” – Titus 2:11-12

Everyone can be the devil’s target. You are not alone in this fight. Join us.We will fight this battle for purity and holiness against the sin of lust by the SUFFICIENT GRACE of God because He loves us so much and apart from Him we can do nothing. May our lives always bring honor and glory to Him.

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