God in the center of our relationships

Posts tagged ‘court’

On pursuing women… a word of caution

by Pastor Paolo Punzalan

 

I had breakfast with one of the guys from church.

Just like many of the single guys in church, we talked about relationships, marriage and the future.

We discussed about clarifying why we do what we do. We easily fall into the trap of searching for that thing, that person, that relationship, that career, that gadget – to bring significance and security.

In other words, another functional savior. (To read my recent blog post on this, click here.)

In the course of the conversation, we talked about courtship and getting to know a person you’d like to pursue.

I asked him, “What’s stopping you from pursuing someone?”

Several valid answers were given.

I began to tell him some of the horrific stories I’ve been told of men reeling in ladies like a sea bass and when they’re all in hook, line and sinker, the nylon line gets cut.

They end up injured, hurt and bleeding.

In other words, DEFRAUDED.

Defrauding is “starting something you cannot righteously fulfill.”

Roses, chocolates, text messages, “mwahs”, facebook status updates referring to her, dinners… and when she’s has fallen, whether intentionally or inadvertently, the man drops her like a hot potato.

The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 4:6-7, “No one should take advantage of or exploit other believers that way. The Lord is the one who punishes people for all these things. We’ve already told you and warned you about this. God didn’t call us to be sexually immoral but to be holy.”

Men, a word of reminder: women are gifts from God. They are meant to be treasured, not displayed and dropped when you get tired of them.

Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”

 

She deserves better

How To Be Pursued By A Guy

A repost from perrynoble.com

I decided to write a follow up to this post for the ladies in how they should be pursued by a guy. (Remember ladies…it is up to him to pursue!)

#1 – Be Honest

Ladies, it is HIGHLY important for you to be incredibly honest with a guy. For example…if he asks you out & the answer is no…THEN TELL HIM NO! Don’t ask him to call you and then ignore his calls for the next week, hoping he gets the point. Just be straight up!

AND…if at any time you are feeling that the relationship is NOT progressing in the way you feel like it needs to…don’t string the guy along because you are insecure and then dump him at the first sign of possibly being able to go out with another guy. Do what is right at the right time.

One more thing…IF you are interested in him and you think he may be interested in you…it is not wrong to let the dude know that, if he asked you out, that you would say yes.

(You can get creative in the way you do this. I have a friend who got a guys calender, picked a date on it and then wrote, 7:00–”pick Jenn up and take her to dinner.” He did!! AND–several years later they actually got married!)

#2 – Be Mentally Balanced
I can’t say this enough…ladies, if a guy asks you out for coffee…then, in all seriousness, all he probably wants to do is GET COFFEE!!! Don’t over analyze coffee! I know some single ladies who will sit in a room for hours and think, “What did he mean by coffee? Did he mean we should get coffee sometime, or does he drink coffee in the morning and secretly hopes that one day I will be his wife so that I can make his coffee…I AM NOT making his coffee, who the heck does he think he is…”

Well, you get the picture.

With most guys, “Let’s have dinner” really does mean “let’s have dinner.” Don’t get all emo on the poor dude!

#3 – Be Focused

I say this a lot when talking to single ladies…but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not settle.

The Bible says in Ephesians 3:20 that God is able to do more than we could ever imagine…that’s HUGE!

I have seen WAY too many ladies settle, hoping that they could “fix the dude up!” Ladies–God didn’t call you to fix him…only Christ can do that.

If you are in Christ then you are the King’s daughter…and you do not need to settle for the boy who can’t accept responsibility…you need to wait for the man who is WILLING to fight for your heart.

How To Pursue A Young Lady

Read more from the source: perrynoble.com

“So…how do I find a wife/pursue a lady?”

Call me old fashioned…but Proverbs 18:22 says that he who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.  So…here are five things I think a guy should do….

#1 – Be Persistent In Prayer!  

I remember WAY before I began dating Lucretia I began to pray for my future wife…I had no idea who she was…but God knew.  I prayed for God to bless her…for God to draw her close to Him…and for God to allow her to somehow think I was incredibly good looking!  🙂  (See–prayer works!)

Also–the verse I mentioned above mentions receiving favor from the Lord–guys, I think everyone of you should, when praying for his future mate, ask God for favor.  He blessed me with favor–I married WAY over my head.  Once again–prayer works.

#2 – Be Honest!  

Don’t play games!  Be up front and tell her exactly how you feel.  And…don’t send your friend to do it for you.  Don’t begin a “texting relationship.”  Speak with her–without your friends or her friends being there…and don’t hold back.

Now I MUST throw in this disclaimer because some freak is going to read that and, within 10 minutes of the first date tell some poor young lady that he feels “called to marry her.”

Dude–STOP IT…you are freakin’ weird!

Honesty and the beginning of the relationship is NOT trying to hide who you really are OR trying to be someone else.  AND…as the relationship progresses AND BOTH of you see potential…THEN the “this is how I feel” conversation needs to take place…not before.

#3 – Be Consistent

One of the things every woman in the world wants is security.

SO…guys, it is WAY UNCOOL to treat her one way when you are alone, another way in front of your friends and yet another way in front of her friends.

AND…it is so FIRST GRADE to say, “Well, she hasn’t been talking to me as much lately…so, I’m just going to give her the silent treatment.”  That is not getting her attention–that is proving to her that you are a REAR END!

Treat her the same no matter what–THAT is an issue of character.

#4 – Be Patient

If the relationship isn’t moving along at the pace you want it to move–BACK OFF!  If she says to leave her alone…then leave her alone.  If she says to give her space–then give her space.  BUT…if she says that she is undecided…but is really enjoying the friendship…then be her friend.  What do you have to lose?

The last thing a girl wants to feel from a guy is pressure to make a decision.  She wants to know that she can trust him…and that he likes being around her NOT because of where he might perceive the relationship heading…but because of where the relationship actually is.

Just some advice…  🙂  Soon I will do a repost for the ladies entitled, “How to be pursued by a guy!”  I promise it will be fun!

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