God in the center of our relationships

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4 ways a man disrespects his woman

Here are 4 ways a man disrespects his woman;

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criticizing the way she keeps house
flirtijng with other women
commenting on the beauty of other women
not valling her when he’s going to be late.

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4 ways a woman disrepects her man

The following are 4 ways woman disrepects her man;

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critizing his provision
fixing something he has already fixed
flirting with other men
fantasizing over celebrity men

I could have kissed her last night.

ImageLast night I fetch my fiancée nurse Ayi from the hospital to send her home.
She should be out by 10pm but something unexpected happened with her patient that why she was dismissed late and I was able to send her home around 12 midnight.

We really made the most out of our traveling time while we were on the cab on our way to her home. We talked and shared about the thing that has happened on that day, good and sad news, we talked about my latest blog and our plans and goals for this season.

We really had a great time together even in just less than one hour ride. It’s as if we just meet each other recently, we could stare and smile at each other’s face all day and all night. But I need to leave , need to rest too. And so I had my forehead near her forehead to say my goodbye. then I stared at her lips and told her, ” You know what, I could kiss you now but I won’t. I could figure out good reasons why I could kiss you now but I won’t present them because of the following reasons;

1. I love my future wife more than my fiancée.
2. Until we get married, she is not yet mine.
3. I want to honor and treat her as she deserve.
4. I love God and I want us to be pure and holy before him.

These are all good reasons why I didn’t kiss her yet that night. One can say there’s nothing wrong with a kiss, its not a mortal sin. But my motivation could be because we want to take PRIDE of having “it” as one of my accomplishments (to look and feel good that we’re pure, holy and obedient Christians) that the first we did “IT” was only on the very night the minister says “you may now kiss the bride” BUT we miss the real point of WHY abstain from premarital sex and have our first kiss on the altar.

Following Pastor D’s example,

“… Because she is a daughter of God. Jesus gave His life for Ayi and Jesus is entrusting her to me. I want to treat Ayi with love and respect as Christ loved her by totally relying on the GRACE of God and not on my own because I know left to myself I , I CAN’T stay pure and holy without Him in the center (first priority) of our relationship. Without His GRACE, our righteousness and good deeds are all “filthy rags” in His sight.”

Inspired by Pastor D’s blog. “The first kiss, the virgin and how I totally missed the point”.

The need to love her less

Yes you read it right, When you think you are SO in-love with you’re partner and you’re relationship with God is getting blurry, I must tell you this, you’re in trouble my friend.Being in love, in a relationship, engaged or married is one of the happiest season in one’s life. Especially during the “honeymoon stage” where the couple’s feet are on the clouds. SO in-love with each other, SO into-each-other. Probably the word obsession is right word to describe it.

This experiences is definitely thrilling, exciting and fun. It’s like there’s always adrenaline rush whenever you two are together. “Emotions are all at their highest levels”. Sound familiar? You may know what I’m talking about or perhaps you experienced it yourself.  There’s absolutely nothing wrong about being in-love with someone.

“We all know that too much of something is bad enough.” – Spice girls

 

The problem is when we start having a hard time handling our relationships. If you’re a single, you can be so occupied with having a partner (boyfriend/girlfriend) soon that you dream about it every night. If you’re in a relationship, you’re world may have started to revolve around only one (1) person which is your partner.  95% of your time, money and resources are all narrowed down only that person. It’s all about him/her. Even is you know already that obsession is the most appropriate word to describe it but you’re convincing yourself it’s not.

You see this feeling can be like the Niagara falls were trying to contain and its so overwhelming. The tension here is when it starts UNHEALTHY for you, your (future) partner and most importantly your relationship with the ONLY ONE who could love you more than anyone could love you, JESUS.

        I remember when I was still a young Christian, A friend of mine wanted to be a relationship with a young woman who isn’t a Christian. So he started inviting her to church, share his faith to her and court her at the same time. Then as soon as their relationship started, his love for God started dwindling down. After a few weeks, he started not showing up anymore and spending most of his time with the girl.

I have a lot of friends who’s either a backslider or a lukewarm Christian now because SOMEHOW, their world started revolving around that one person, they’ve ISOLATED themselves and they’ve placed their girlfriend/fiancée/spouses before God.

I even have a female friend who left the church because she was afraid she won’t have a relationship with any of the guys in church, she doubted that she’ll ever get to love or be loved by someone who share the same faith with her. A very passionate and fruitful Christian can be gone overnight because of the same scenario.

We have back to our first love. Putting God first by loving your girlfriend / fiancée /wife (same thing with boyfriend/fiancé/husband if you’re a woman) less and loving God more. Ask God to help you with your obsession with her. Let’s be careful not to make an idol of of them. We just have to be reminded that our God is a jealous God,

He must be our first love and she’s second. We can’t place any human or created being above God, I know you know that’s called obsession or idolatry. Now, I’m not saying you start hating women (or vice versa) and not loving her or setting her aside , BUT you know if it’s time to set your priorities right. Loving God more. Yes, Jesus has to be our first love.Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. ’ – Mark 12:30

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. – Psalm 37:4

It is God’s promise that if we prioritize Him, all we could ask him he could give us. Let’s set our eyes on him first, Let Jesus be our everything, the lover of our soul, the greatest treasure in life. Jesus.

Seven Ways To Destroy Your Marriage

Want to absolutely destroy your marriage?  Here are seven ways that always work!

from Pastor Perry Noble

#1 – Refuse To Communicate

Talk about the person and not to them because doing so will be awkward…this will assure destruction!  And, the silent treatment is really an amazing weapon when it comes to refusing to communicate, don’t worry about the fact that five year olds do it…just own it!

#2 – Refuse To Listen

Interrupting my spouse during conflict to immediately correct them and then trying my best to make a stronger point always helps tear a relationship to pieces!

#3 – Always Assuming The Absolute Worse About Your Spouse

As soon as I hear (or even think about) something negative about my spouse it is absolutely essential to carry that thought to its fullest illogical conclusion.  Don’t EVER ask for an explanation or clarification as more open communication will lead to a stronger marriage!

#4 – Make Sure The Goal Is To Win The Argument Rather Than Actually Settle The Dispute

If you realize you are wrong about something you must allow pride to dominate your thought life, thus unleashing a barrage of accusations that actually have nothing to do with what the original argument/discussion had to do with in the first place!  Win at all costs, even if it means saying things that hurt and wound deeply.

#5 – You Must View Your Spouse As Your Enemy, NOT Your Friend

You cannot see your spouse and you as being on the same team if you want a great marriage, you must view everything as some sort of game and make it a goal to compete with them and not actually complete them.

#6 – Focus As Much As Possible On Their Inadequacies & Shortcomings

You’ve GOT to talk about how much they are “not meeting your needs” and how they need to “step up and do better” as often as possible.  By all means do NOT take a look at yourself and what you could do to improve the marriage.  Everything MUST be blamed on them and you’ve got to see yourself as flawless and perfect.

#7 – Do NOT Have Fun Together

Heck no!!!  You need your set of friends and your spouse needs their set.  Don’t have mutual friends.  Don’t have date nights.  Don’t do anything fun as a family.  Make sure that when you are out on a date as a couple you spend as much time on your phone with someone else as possible because communication with your spouse will do nothing except make your marriage stronger.

Seven Ways You Can Make Your Marriage Awesome!

from Pastor Perry Noble

#1 – Stop Fighting IN IT and Start Fighting For It – as long as you see your spouse as the enemy your home will always be a battlefield, and EVERYONE loses when you fight with each other and not for one another.

#2 – Stop Asking God To Fix Your Spouse And Ask Him To Fix You – no one in any marriage is perfect…and when we stop pointing out all of our spouses perceived inadequacies it really does make us a much better person to be around.  (Psalm 139:23-24 is a GREAT prayer to pray when asking God to show you your very own “opportunities for improvement.”)

#3 – Ask For Help – you are NOT the first married couple that has ever struggled, you WON’T be the last.  The problem is that (especially in church) we are so obsessed with what people may say or think that we will allow our relationships to implode.  We cannot allow our desire for appearance to distort the reality that we need help!

#4 – Ask The Lord To Allow You To See Your Spouse Through His Eyes – this can/will absolutely CHANGE your perspective on who you are married to…because you see them less and less as your spouse and more and more as a son/daughter of the KING!!!  How do you think He wants His child to be treated?

#5 – Choose Right Now That You Are Always Going To Believe The Best About Your Spouse – Love always assumes the best about a person (see I Corinthians 13,) if you are always assuming the worst about the person you are married to then you have a major problem and are placing them in a no win situation.

#6 – Stop Seeing Your Spouse As Your Servant But Rather Your Opportunity To Serve – As long as you see them as your servant you will always be tempted to point out their shortcomings in regards to the ways they are not meeting your perceived needs.  However, if you see them as your opportunity to serve it will completely change the dynamic and temperature of the relationship.

(And singles, this is for you as well…the best way to HAVE a great marriage is to actually prepare beforehand!)

Roles and Rules on Relationships

Male Roles

Opens the Jar
Doesn’t ask for directions
Least likely to cry
Less expressive
Less vulnerable
The one who asks out
The one who pays
Looking for respect and appreciation
Considers beauty in a mate important

Female roles

Eats what’s in the jar
Loves to talk and connect verbally
Enjoys being thought of us beautiful
Gravitates to fuzzy creatures that new baby smell
Crave for romance and gives points to the male for it
Is looking for companionship
Considers safety to be paramount
More expressive
More emotional
The who is pursued

The Rules

Each unique, each different and yet potentially complementary. Thus we assume the following rules;

Men were made to chase
Women were made to be pursued
Men are generally the main providers
Women are nurturers
Men communicate differently than women

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