God in the center of our relationships

Posts tagged ‘relationship’

What we need to teach our sons and daughters

 

Taken from Ate Nove’s twitter post

 

you may follower her @URLoved_NOVE

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Top 10 things Women wish Men would do

In my one year of being in a relationship with Ayi (my fiancée) and spending time with her women friends, I came up with this list;

 

 

 

 

 

 
– Symphatize; don’t fix (hearing is not equals listening)
– Buy more flowers (never stop pursuing her)
– Take her out to dinner. (memories to remember)
– Take her shopping (have a company)
– Tell her a song reminds him of her. (this can be romantic!)
– Give her cards and notes (in other words be thoughtful)
– Spend more time with her (be a friend)
– Smell good (needs no further explanation)

It’s too late to apologize, Segurista

Here’s a question from a guy who is a day late in asking her out,

   ” I’m a guy and have a friend girl who lives in the same building as me, and we hang outa lot. She calls , SMS or IM’s me every day and tells me everything about her day. It makes me feel really close to her. We’ve been hanging out, doing lunch, dinner, talking, etc., for about two years, and yesterday she told me me that she had a date with this new guy that just moved in next door.   I was totally shocked. I thought that our friendship was working toward something. Where’d did I go wrong? Why would she do this to me?

Do what to you to? Wait two year for you to get the nerve to ask her out on a real date? I think she gave you too much time! Listen, it shouldn’t take two years to decide if you want to ask a girl out for a date.

If she was that important to you, you should have made the move and advanced the relationship.

As it stands, she probably just considered you another girlfriend she could dump all her emotions upon until she found the love of her life. You could have save yourself a lot of heartache by making a move a year and a half ago.

Women can’t be put on hold until you are certain they are into you. You must strike while the iron is hot. Don’t be a “Segurista”. Next time, don’t try to protect yourself by being friends first; find out if she likes you by asking her out. The two-year friendship/breakup thing is nothing you want to experience again.

Seven Ways To Destroy Your Marriage

Want to absolutely destroy your marriage?  Here are seven ways that always work!

from Pastor Perry Noble

#1 – Refuse To Communicate

Talk about the person and not to them because doing so will be awkward…this will assure destruction!  And, the silent treatment is really an amazing weapon when it comes to refusing to communicate, don’t worry about the fact that five year olds do it…just own it!

#2 – Refuse To Listen

Interrupting my spouse during conflict to immediately correct them and then trying my best to make a stronger point always helps tear a relationship to pieces!

#3 – Always Assuming The Absolute Worse About Your Spouse

As soon as I hear (or even think about) something negative about my spouse it is absolutely essential to carry that thought to its fullest illogical conclusion.  Don’t EVER ask for an explanation or clarification as more open communication will lead to a stronger marriage!

#4 – Make Sure The Goal Is To Win The Argument Rather Than Actually Settle The Dispute

If you realize you are wrong about something you must allow pride to dominate your thought life, thus unleashing a barrage of accusations that actually have nothing to do with what the original argument/discussion had to do with in the first place!  Win at all costs, even if it means saying things that hurt and wound deeply.

#5 – You Must View Your Spouse As Your Enemy, NOT Your Friend

You cannot see your spouse and you as being on the same team if you want a great marriage, you must view everything as some sort of game and make it a goal to compete with them and not actually complete them.

#6 – Focus As Much As Possible On Their Inadequacies & Shortcomings

You’ve GOT to talk about how much they are “not meeting your needs” and how they need to “step up and do better” as often as possible.  By all means do NOT take a look at yourself and what you could do to improve the marriage.  Everything MUST be blamed on them and you’ve got to see yourself as flawless and perfect.

#7 – Do NOT Have Fun Together

Heck no!!!  You need your set of friends and your spouse needs their set.  Don’t have mutual friends.  Don’t have date nights.  Don’t do anything fun as a family.  Make sure that when you are out on a date as a couple you spend as much time on your phone with someone else as possible because communication with your spouse will do nothing except make your marriage stronger.

Seven Ways You Can Make Your Marriage Awesome!

from Pastor Perry Noble

#1 – Stop Fighting IN IT and Start Fighting For It – as long as you see your spouse as the enemy your home will always be a battlefield, and EVERYONE loses when you fight with each other and not for one another.

#2 – Stop Asking God To Fix Your Spouse And Ask Him To Fix You – no one in any marriage is perfect…and when we stop pointing out all of our spouses perceived inadequacies it really does make us a much better person to be around.  (Psalm 139:23-24 is a GREAT prayer to pray when asking God to show you your very own “opportunities for improvement.”)

#3 – Ask For Help – you are NOT the first married couple that has ever struggled, you WON’T be the last.  The problem is that (especially in church) we are so obsessed with what people may say or think that we will allow our relationships to implode.  We cannot allow our desire for appearance to distort the reality that we need help!

#4 – Ask The Lord To Allow You To See Your Spouse Through His Eyes – this can/will absolutely CHANGE your perspective on who you are married to…because you see them less and less as your spouse and more and more as a son/daughter of the KING!!!  How do you think He wants His child to be treated?

#5 – Choose Right Now That You Are Always Going To Believe The Best About Your Spouse – Love always assumes the best about a person (see I Corinthians 13,) if you are always assuming the worst about the person you are married to then you have a major problem and are placing them in a no win situation.

#6 – Stop Seeing Your Spouse As Your Servant But Rather Your Opportunity To Serve – As long as you see them as your servant you will always be tempted to point out their shortcomings in regards to the ways they are not meeting your perceived needs.  However, if you see them as your opportunity to serve it will completely change the dynamic and temperature of the relationship.

(And singles, this is for you as well…the best way to HAVE a great marriage is to actually prepare beforehand!)

Roles and Rules on Relationships

Male Roles

Opens the Jar
Doesn’t ask for directions
Least likely to cry
Less expressive
Less vulnerable
The one who asks out
The one who pays
Looking for respect and appreciation
Considers beauty in a mate important

Female roles

Eats what’s in the jar
Loves to talk and connect verbally
Enjoys being thought of us beautiful
Gravitates to fuzzy creatures that new baby smell
Crave for romance and gives points to the male for it
Is looking for companionship
Considers safety to be paramount
More expressive
More emotional
The who is pursued

The Rules

Each unique, each different and yet potentially complementary. Thus we assume the following rules;

Men were made to chase
Women were made to be pursued
Men are generally the main providers
Women are nurturers
Men communicate differently than women

Love for Real or Reel? “Quest for the Real Love” (part 2 of 2)

by Christian Ongtangco

We’ve finally arrived to the 2nd part of this blog series I wrote 3 years ago, ( see part 1)

I was in the hospital while writing this down, I wander why do we call the sick people “patient” was it because they have to wait first in order get treatment and healing they need? I know you already have an idea of the  mostly quoted verse in the Bible when it comes to “Love” in 1st Cor.13:4, The first characteristic of Love is Patient…. and it goes on in saying that it is kind, self-less, it trusts, hopes, and always perseveres…it never fails.

After writing my previous blog, Lots of people started asking me different questions like,” Ikakasal ka na ba? (Are you getting married) ” What inspired me to write these blogs? (You have to know this was 3 years ago, but now I so glad to say we’re getting there!). Do you think you have the right to write about it even if you’re not yet married?

on Part 1, we saw how Love that’s for REEL looks like, The World’s prescription of Love. Now I want to share to you another model. Let use share to you what I believe to be the 4 kinds of Love;
1. Eros
– is what we call Erotic love. refers to “intimate love” or romantic love.

It is present in couples in a relationship, the lover and the beloved who are in boyfriend-girlfriend , fiancé-fiancée (must have guidelines) and husband-wife relationship. this is what what God longs for all of us to have.

Just like us God doesn’t want us to be with someone whom we are not attracted with. whom we don’t like and see ourselves growing old with the other person. This kind of love can be very powerful that “any mountains can be climb, anything can be done” out of this kind of love. This is a gift from God which every couple will fight for, for the rest of their lives.

This is where emotional and physical attractions are so much involved and must be backed up by Commitments. always remember, Love is a choice, a decision and a commitment . . .  not just a feeling and all emotions. Otherwise this can be deadly and poisonous if expressed prematurely, wrong person, wrong time. you may see “Fight for purity“. For couple who are not yet married (like us) Let’s not get involve physically until the right time. God’s timing is good, pleasing and perfect. (Rom 12:2)
2. Phileo

– the next ingredient is True friendship, this is where understanding, and intimacy partners share, being best friends, that’s where time, and walks and communication and sharing hearts is present. Brotherhood ,sisterhood (bff) bestfriend-kind-of-love.

This kind of love from friendships  are based on pure delight in the company of other people. People who drink together or share a hobby may have such friendships. Where both friends enjoy each other’s characters.

Mr. Webster puts like like this “As long as both friends keep similar characters, the relationship will endure since the motive behind it is care for the friend. This is the highest level of philia, and in modern English might be called true friendship.”

In my own opinion, You can have all the “Eros love” in the world and both of you are truly madly deeply “in-love” with each other but if you two where not friends, that relationship is still superficial and it can’t last. all the more when wrinkles , “ugly spots” , weaknesses and problems arise couple need to be friends who will be partners and work like a team and friends who will help, support, serve prioritize and understanding each other.

3. Storge

Family love – this kind of love is not mentioned but has been described and demonstrated in the bible. its is the love we give and the love we receive in our family. Parent to child/ren. Father or mother-to-a-child kind of love.

4. Agape

– and last and most importantly Agape Love.  The love of God or Christ for mankind.

it refers to the fatherly love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God; the term necessarily extends to the love of one’s fellow man. Many have thought that this word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful Love.

We know God is the source of this love. Here we ourselves to be God’s conduit, channel of love towards one another. God’s amazing love can be seen, manifested and experienced through each others’ life and desire to unconditionally love. It’s the idea of being brother and sister in Christ, loving one another radically, That’s giving the other person what they need the most when they deserve it the least.

Agape love is doing what you choose is right (in light of God’s love) because you care, not because of what you feel. Partners always encourage each other to come to God first and foremost. This is why God has to be in the center of every relationship (Ecc 4:12)

I think by this time, you know what’s on my mind,  Yes you got it right. God prescription of Love;

Eros + Phileo + Storge = Agape Love

Agape love surpasses everything. Agape love in and through our lives.

Agape is Real Love

I believe all three needs to be nourished, If we want to have a long, lasting relationship (even for singles we need to know about this and be equipped for the the future) all three must be present.
If you we’re saying it’s hard, difficult and impossible. My response to you would be a big Yes. No one can do it in their marriage and relationship. Because this is something unattainable by human efforts but I believe this is what God wants for us. left to ourselves you cannot do it, even the two of you cannot do it. that’s why we need God to be in the center of our relationship. Not by might nor by our own works but by His Amazing Grace (Eph 2:6-8), His great and unconditional love that is already made available for us.
We want to encourage you to invite God and make Him the center, our priority, source of all love and affection. Once He becomes the source, we will never ran out of love to give. you may want to see my other blog “In love forever”
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