God in the center of our relationships

Archive for the ‘Purity’ Category

What we need to teach our sons and daughters

 

Taken from Ate Nove’s twitter post

 

you may follower her @URLoved_NOVE

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Women’s point of view on men looking at porn.

Fact: Did you know that U.S. porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of the ABC, CBA and NBC television networks (6.2 billion).


“When a woman is dating a guy who is looking at porn. It makes her feel like he’s cheating on her. Is he really so weak and desperate for sex that he has to pretend he’s getting it from some imaginary woman he’ll never meet? Sorry. guys, but for most of us girls. It just makes you slimy.If you want to avoid looking desperate. Avoid looking at porn.
It’s just plain ugly.” – Hayley DiMarco.

Christian: If you’re a guy reading this you think you’re struggling with porn. I would like to encourage you this battle can be won. But you cannot do it alone. We men need help from other men to fight with us. And of course, we need God’s help as well. Please email me at christian.ongtangco@gmail.com if you need more information and help about it.

I could have kissed her last night.

ImageLast night I fetch my fiancée nurse Ayi from the hospital to send her home.
She should be out by 10pm but something unexpected happened with her patient that why she was dismissed late and I was able to send her home around 12 midnight.

We really made the most out of our traveling time while we were on the cab on our way to her home. We talked and shared about the thing that has happened on that day, good and sad news, we talked about my latest blog and our plans and goals for this season.

We really had a great time together even in just less than one hour ride. It’s as if we just meet each other recently, we could stare and smile at each other’s face all day and all night. But I need to leave , need to rest too. And so I had my forehead near her forehead to say my goodbye. then I stared at her lips and told her, ” You know what, I could kiss you now but I won’t. I could figure out good reasons why I could kiss you now but I won’t present them because of the following reasons;

1. I love my future wife more than my fiancée.
2. Until we get married, she is not yet mine.
3. I want to honor and treat her as she deserve.
4. I love God and I want us to be pure and holy before him.

These are all good reasons why I didn’t kiss her yet that night. One can say there’s nothing wrong with a kiss, its not a mortal sin. But my motivation could be because we want to take PRIDE of having “it” as one of my accomplishments (to look and feel good that we’re pure, holy and obedient Christians) that the first we did “IT” was only on the very night the minister says “you may now kiss the bride” BUT we miss the real point of WHY abstain from premarital sex and have our first kiss on the altar.

Following Pastor D’s example,

“… Because she is a daughter of God. Jesus gave His life for Ayi and Jesus is entrusting her to me. I want to treat Ayi with love and respect as Christ loved her by totally relying on the GRACE of God and not on my own because I know left to myself I , I CAN’T stay pure and holy without Him in the center (first priority) of our relationship. Without His GRACE, our righteousness and good deeds are all “filthy rags” in His sight.”

Inspired by Pastor D’s blog. “The first kiss, the virgin and how I totally missed the point”.

Roles and Rules on Relationships

Male Roles

Opens the Jar
Doesn’t ask for directions
Least likely to cry
Less expressive
Less vulnerable
The one who asks out
The one who pays
Looking for respect and appreciation
Considers beauty in a mate important

Female roles

Eats what’s in the jar
Loves to talk and connect verbally
Enjoys being thought of us beautiful
Gravitates to fuzzy creatures that new baby smell
Crave for romance and gives points to the male for it
Is looking for companionship
Considers safety to be paramount
More expressive
More emotional
The who is pursued

The Rules

Each unique, each different and yet potentially complementary. Thus we assume the following rules;

Men were made to chase
Women were made to be pursued
Men are generally the main providers
Women are nurturers
Men communicate differently than women

Singles… Something we all should Remember..

from my friend Athens @ Iamblessedbeyondwords

Have you ever wondered why you are still single? WHy every past relationship never worked out? Or that guy/girl stopped giving you attention? Why a short-term relationship suddenly sounds really really enticing?

The fact is that we are relational beings. We need relationships. And at a certain age we need or want a partner. The question is what type of relationship you want. Going back to all of the above questions, it just means it is NOT THE RIGHT TIME NOR PERSON.

Okay, you don’t care about the so-called right timing nor right person but think about this instead:

1. Is it a good feeling that your partner would compare you with his/her past relationships?

2. How would you feel when you continually compare your partner with the past? Doesn’t that mean you have no contentment?

There are a lot more to ask but another thing I would really bring up that just popped into my head when i woke up at 5:30 am today although my work is 10:30pm (argh!) is my personal desire..

I don’t want to be a distraction to someone’s future. Everyone has a purpose on this earth and I want to fulfill mine as well as him fulfilling his. And I respect his future partner and I do not want me lingering in his past to cause future issues. And that I hope will also be a thought that someone out there would think for me.

This is committing. This is real-life, real-live relationships. It is life-time friends and family. All relationships are important, even if it is not yet marriage.

Would you still settle for a short-term relationship then after reading this?

In the Meantime: What to Do While Waiting on God

by Carolyn MacInnes
Somewhere between the potluck and tales of Grandpa’s childhood antics, your family reunion takes the customary turn for the worse. Stealthily wedging your chair behind the ficus tree was fruitless. They know you’re there. They’ve just been waiting….
“So, you’re out of school now,” Aunt Beulah begins, passing you an unsolicited slice of rhubarb pie. “When are you getting married?”
“It didn’t work out,” you say, too quickly, grimacing as you remember Chris’s frequent racial slurs and obsession with mirrors.
“Kids today want everything to be perfect,” Grandma sighs.
“Maybe you shouldn’t be so picky, dear,” Great Aunt Lois agrees. “You are pushing 25….”
Aunt Pauline pats your leg. “All we’re saying,” she whispers, “is, get yourself someone before you’re old and it’s too late.”
Of course, if not for the gaping wound it’s left, the conversation would be positively laughable. “Get” yourself someone? As in, “Get some milk while you’re out” or “Hey, would you get me the TV remote?”

Do they really think it’s so easy?

Do they think you planned it this way? What if you start to enjoy being alone and pass up your destiny? Most terrifying: What if God sees your contentment and decides to “bless” you with the gift of lifelong singleness?
No one knows how long their Meantime will last. Could be a few months, or a lifetime. But one thing’s always certain: If our priority is finding another person, we’ll never be satisfied. The good news is that we can do more than fight for sanity while waiting on the Lord. Here are eight suggestions for flourishing in The Meantime.
Get to know God.

Even the best spouses fail; God never will. Take time to talk — and listen — to Him concerning your future. Meditate on verses about His faithfulness. Discover that human standards of “worthiness” mean nothing to Him; His affection is unconditional. When we make this pivotal truth our own, we can develop a heavenly confidence that permeates all we do.
Build a community.

Life is infinitely richer when we generate and nurture friendships. It’s easy to develop tunnel vision and surround ourselves only with those who are “relationship material.” Resist the urge. Dates come and go, but friends are God’s arms, holding us up when romantic ventures let us down.
Do what you love.

Have you always been an artist at heart? When you run, do you “feel His pleasure”? The more we develop our talents — particularly if we use our skills to bring glory to God — the more we experience enthusiasm and joy, whatever our circumstances. (There’s also something extremely attractive about a person with a passion for life!)
Discover something new.

Is there an instrument or language you want to learn? Have you dreamed of backpacking around Europe? This is your moment. When spouses and kids enter the picture, money will be allocated differently — so if you can afford to follow a dream, make it a priority. If money is tight, opportunities still abound. Increase your knowledge by researching online or at the library, or raise support to take a mission trip.
Help others.

A poet once wrote, “I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see. I sought my God, but my God eluded me. I sought my brother, and I found all three.” Volunteer at a nursing home or soup kitchen. Be a mentor. Rake someone’s leaves. When we’re feeling empty, we benefit immeasurably by serving folks in need. As their strength is renewed, our cups overflow.
Buy dishes.

For nearly a decade, I kept a hope chest full of brand new household items while I ate off of flimsy silverware and cheap, chipped dishes. I was sitting on a gold mine, but chose to live in poverty. When I finally realized how misplaced my hope really was, I dug out some of those utensils and bought myself a set of funky dishes. It sounds crazy, but it freed me! Of course, this principle extends far beyond kitchen gadgets. It’s not an exhortation to abandon our dreams — simply a reminder to live in the present.
Be reasonable.

My friend Danny didn’t date much. Plenty of girls were interested, but he could never find what he was looking for. You know, a rich supermodel whose only dream in life was to serve him? There was no room for distinctiveness; everyone who didn’t fit his mental picture was flawed. It behooves us to ask ourselves, “Am I looking for someone perfect, or for someone who — eccentricities and all — is good for me?”
But don’t compromise.

Funny what loneliness can do. People with whom we have nothing in common — and sometimes hardly like — are suddenly attractive. We can even convince ourselves it’s unreasonable for God to make us wait for physical pleasure. But anytime we push ahead of Him, either by trying to force a dubious relationship or misplacing our moral compass, we’re like the Prodigal, sifting through slop when we could revel in riches down the road.

Somewhere in The Meantime, God changed my theme verse from “How long, oh Lord?” to “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland” (Isaiah 43:19). And I literally went to the desert of West Texas to find that “new thing.”

 

I attended graduate school to study what I loved, mentored kids, traveled overseas, and overall, developed a fresh vision of God’s plan for my life. I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the cute co-ed the Lord kept placing in my path. But before all that, God was showing me that even if no one ever met me at the end of a church aisle, I was of immeasurable value, and He had big plans for me. No formula here for finding a perfect mate — just a reminder that, as Helen Keller said, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
Each of us can choose how we spend our days — but God’s wish for us is clear: “I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly” (John 10:10).

Dating n’ Courtship

We’re now engaged! Praise God!

Here are some of my thoughts about getting engaged (Chosenness).

Here are the reasons why we (Ayi and I) can’t describe, label or call our relationship “dating“.

 

Dating Overview

Courtship Overview

How old are people when they start?

Varies-usually sometime during high school

When they are ready to get married usually sometime after high school.

How does it start?

Usually two people are romantically attracted to each other, and one asks the other to go out on a date.

Two people have already gotten to know each other in-group settings (church, work, volunteer ministries, etc.) And think the other person might make a good spouse. Romantic interest is usually there but is not the driving force.

How does a couple spend their time together?

Sometimes in a group dates, and sometimes at each other’s homes. Usually most of their time “dating” is spent alone together doing things like going to dinner, going on walks, seeing concerts, or movies, etc.

A couple does their “courting” in group settings, basically by spending time with each other’s families.

Role of parents and family

Lots of variety. Girl’s parents may want to meet the guy before they go out, or they may not. Most parents like to casually get to know  the person their son or daughter is seeing, and may include them in family activities.

Critical to courtship. They oversee, watch and help arrange the advancement of the relationship.

The goal

Varies. It can be simply having fun, growing close, or planning for marriage

Marriage

Please don’t get me wrong I’m not totally against Dating. Dating I believe is NOT totally wrong (But I’ll suggest group dating and refrain from getting isolated). It’s the motive and the end goal that makes courtship better, in my own opinion. There are some overlaps between the two.

At the end of the day, You’ll know whether you’re just playing hearts or own emotions. Real love commits. Love without commitment is not love at all.

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