God in the center of our relationships

Posts tagged ‘courtship’

What we need to teach our sons and daughters

 

Taken from Ate Nove’s twitter post

 

you may follower her @URLoved_NOVE

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On pursuing women… a word of caution

by Pastor Paolo Punzalan

 

I had breakfast with one of the guys from church.

Just like many of the single guys in church, we talked about relationships, marriage and the future.

We discussed about clarifying why we do what we do. We easily fall into the trap of searching for that thing, that person, that relationship, that career, that gadget – to bring significance and security.

In other words, another functional savior. (To read my recent blog post on this, click here.)

In the course of the conversation, we talked about courtship and getting to know a person you’d like to pursue.

I asked him, “What’s stopping you from pursuing someone?”

Several valid answers were given.

I began to tell him some of the horrific stories I’ve been told of men reeling in ladies like a sea bass and when they’re all in hook, line and sinker, the nylon line gets cut.

They end up injured, hurt and bleeding.

In other words, DEFRAUDED.

Defrauding is “starting something you cannot righteously fulfill.”

Roses, chocolates, text messages, “mwahs”, facebook status updates referring to her, dinners… and when she’s has fallen, whether intentionally or inadvertently, the man drops her like a hot potato.

The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 4:6-7, “No one should take advantage of or exploit other believers that way. The Lord is the one who punishes people for all these things. We’ve already told you and warned you about this. God didn’t call us to be sexually immoral but to be holy.”

Men, a word of reminder: women are gifts from God. They are meant to be treasured, not displayed and dropped when you get tired of them.

Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.”

 

She deserves better

Dating n’ Courtship

We’re now engaged! Praise God!

Here are some of my thoughts about getting engaged (Chosenness).

Here are the reasons why we (Ayi and I) can’t describe, label or call our relationship “dating“.

 

Dating Overview

Courtship Overview

How old are people when they start?

Varies-usually sometime during high school

When they are ready to get married usually sometime after high school.

How does it start?

Usually two people are romantically attracted to each other, and one asks the other to go out on a date.

Two people have already gotten to know each other in-group settings (church, work, volunteer ministries, etc.) And think the other person might make a good spouse. Romantic interest is usually there but is not the driving force.

How does a couple spend their time together?

Sometimes in a group dates, and sometimes at each other’s homes. Usually most of their time “dating” is spent alone together doing things like going to dinner, going on walks, seeing concerts, or movies, etc.

A couple does their “courting” in group settings, basically by spending time with each other’s families.

Role of parents and family

Lots of variety. Girl’s parents may want to meet the guy before they go out, or they may not. Most parents like to casually get to know  the person their son or daughter is seeing, and may include them in family activities.

Critical to courtship. They oversee, watch and help arrange the advancement of the relationship.

The goal

Varies. It can be simply having fun, growing close, or planning for marriage

Marriage

Please don’t get me wrong I’m not totally against Dating. Dating I believe is NOT totally wrong (But I’ll suggest group dating and refrain from getting isolated). It’s the motive and the end goal that makes courtship better, in my own opinion. There are some overlaps between the two.

At the end of the day, You’ll know whether you’re just playing hearts or own emotions. Real love commits. Love without commitment is not love at all.

Should I text him?

Saw this photo in the Singles ministry Facebook group of our church

via

 

My advice for single people

by Steven Furtick

There’s a lot of advice I could give to single and dating people.

How to be content in this season you’re in.
The kind of person you should be looking to marry.
Boundaries for when you’re dating.

All of those are good and necessary. But there’s something that most Christians completely miss that’s an essential principle for optimal relationships and marriages. If you don’t get this, it doesn’t matter who you date because it will be a fraction of the relationship God meant for you. And your marriage to them will be too.

Happiness is not finding the right person. It’s being the right person.

I’ve seen countless Christians sabotage their marriages not because they married the wrong person but because when they got married they weren’t the right person for the other person. Not in their chemistry, but in their character.

If two half people get together and they’re not complete in Christ, they don’t make a whole person. They subtract from each other rather than adding to each other and they become more miserable.

There’s only one half you’re responsible for right now. And that’s your half.

Stop looking for the person of your dreams and start becoming someone another person is dreaming about. Make someone else’s dreams become a reality.

A lot of single people make lists of what they want in the person they’re looking for. That’s fine. Just make sure that if the person you’re looking for had the same list, they’d find you.

You may be waiting in this season of your life for God to bring the right person.
Or you may be wondering if the person you’re dating is the right person.

He will do it.
He will reveal it.

In the meantime, be what you’re looking for.

10 Reasons I Should Not Be Dating Him/Her

by Perry Noble

#1 – They are not willing to fight FOR purity.  (Trust me…if they won’t fight for purity with you before you are married, then there is a greater chance they won’t fight for purity after you are married.)

#2 – If they are trying to get me to compromise with what God’s Word says so clearly.  (If they lead you away from God’s Word before marriage, they will do so even more after marriage…the way they have lived in their past and the way they are living now are indicators of how they are going to live when they marry you.  You cannot change them…you are NOT the Holy Spirit!)

#3 – If you are always defending him/her to the people who know me, love me and love Jesus.  (Love is blind…and many times you cannot see the blind spots that others can see so clearly.)

#4 – If you find yourself not wanting to talk about him/her in front of the people in your life that you know may disapprove of the relationship for some reason.  (Because…when this happens you are choosing to ignore what the Lord could be trying to make obvious through others because you are too involved emotionally to make a rational decision.)

#5 – If you know the relationship isn’t really going anywhere…but you don’t want to “break up” because doing so would cause you to be insecure, because you have allowed yourself to be identified by who you are dating rather than who you are in Christ.

#6 – You find out that they are lying to you.  If they lie to you before you are married, then they will lie to you in marriage.

#7 – If you cannot confront them about issues without them losing their temper.

#8 – If you discover that they are unfaithful to you.

#9 – If something about them absolutely drives you insane…but you convince yourself that after you get married “that problem” will go away.  (Actually…it won’t, it will get larger!)

#10 – If the Lord has specifically spoken to you and instructed you to end the relationship but you can’t/won’t because you either “don’t want to hurt them” or you fear that if you end this relationship then you won’t have another chance at one.

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How To Be Pursued By A Guy

A repost from perrynoble.com

I decided to write a follow up to this post for the ladies in how they should be pursued by a guy. (Remember ladies…it is up to him to pursue!)

#1 – Be Honest

Ladies, it is HIGHLY important for you to be incredibly honest with a guy. For example…if he asks you out & the answer is no…THEN TELL HIM NO! Don’t ask him to call you and then ignore his calls for the next week, hoping he gets the point. Just be straight up!

AND…if at any time you are feeling that the relationship is NOT progressing in the way you feel like it needs to…don’t string the guy along because you are insecure and then dump him at the first sign of possibly being able to go out with another guy. Do what is right at the right time.

One more thing…IF you are interested in him and you think he may be interested in you…it is not wrong to let the dude know that, if he asked you out, that you would say yes.

(You can get creative in the way you do this. I have a friend who got a guys calender, picked a date on it and then wrote, 7:00–”pick Jenn up and take her to dinner.” He did!! AND–several years later they actually got married!)

#2 – Be Mentally Balanced
I can’t say this enough…ladies, if a guy asks you out for coffee…then, in all seriousness, all he probably wants to do is GET COFFEE!!! Don’t over analyze coffee! I know some single ladies who will sit in a room for hours and think, “What did he mean by coffee? Did he mean we should get coffee sometime, or does he drink coffee in the morning and secretly hopes that one day I will be his wife so that I can make his coffee…I AM NOT making his coffee, who the heck does he think he is…”

Well, you get the picture.

With most guys, “Let’s have dinner” really does mean “let’s have dinner.” Don’t get all emo on the poor dude!

#3 – Be Focused

I say this a lot when talking to single ladies…but PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do not settle.

The Bible says in Ephesians 3:20 that God is able to do more than we could ever imagine…that’s HUGE!

I have seen WAY too many ladies settle, hoping that they could “fix the dude up!” Ladies–God didn’t call you to fix him…only Christ can do that.

If you are in Christ then you are the King’s daughter…and you do not need to settle for the boy who can’t accept responsibility…you need to wait for the man who is WILLING to fight for your heart.

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