God in the center of our relationships

Posts tagged ‘romantic’

Is PDA (Public Display of Affection) ok?

One night, while seating comfortably in my seat in a public car on my way to see a friend, a couple all of a sudden started kissing and hugging each other in a very uncomfortable way which has been disturbing with the rest of the passenger of that car. I started praying and thought of writing this blog.

Please don’t get me wrong, I think PDA is NOT totally wrong but NOT totally right. Teachers and coaches sometimes used this term to inform students that they were getting too cozy with their girlfriend or boyfriend. Some couples are more affectionate than others. They feel that they display their love for one another by holding hands and touching. Other married couples feel that they can get cozy in the privacy of their homes without having to do so in public. They prefer to keep their affections at a more private level.

Ayi and I would always grin at each other whenever we see couples draped across one another in restaurants, driving down the road, in parks, and shopping centers we guard our hearts from pride or think we are holier because we don’t do what they do.

I’m sure we have all probably been in a situation when we are in a public location and two adults soon catch our eye. These adults are caught in the mist of a very passion kiss or with wandering hands that the public should not be allowed to see. A lot of them might be unaware or ignorant that when it’s done some people to feel uncomfortable.

I once asked Ayi, Should public locations be allowed to ask couples to leave due to an OVER display of public affection?
I like how a friend of mine described it “Public displays of affection can be inappropriate depending on where you are and how far you go with it.”

Here’s from a blog I read,  “Basically, the point I am trying to get across is that PDA-ing is not always okay. In fact, if more couples actually paid attention to how others react to their displays of affection, they would notice that many people become exasperated or look down upon them because of it.”

“You don’t have to be climbing all over each other or putting on some kind of a sex show to prove you appreciate your partner, being comfortable enough to stroll down Grafton Street hand-in-hand is a better indicator that your relationship is solid.” says Anne Sexton.

I know of a couple who never even hold hands when in public, but very expressive with their affection in other ways (words, service, time and gifts). Should we “cookie-cut” it with every relationship? Do Ayi and I PDA? Yes, for us “HHWW” or “Holding hands while walking” is ok. We make it a goal not to make the people around us uncomfortable.

We remind each other “Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.” There’s a time for everything. If your a MARRIED couple,  It’s our goal as a couple to make people comfortable whenever we’re around.

“…But set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”- 1 Timothy 4:12We want to here from you? What do you think about P.D.A?

*Please note that this post is for couples in a relationship.

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What does romance mean to you?

by Sherry Holetzky

What is your idea of romance? Does it mean passion or sensuousness or do you think of it more in terms of thoughtful expressions of love? Some people relate romance to sexual experiences, like the torrid, swept away relationships described in dime store romance novels. That isn’t my idea of romance.
For me, romance means thoughtfulness. It is the way we show each other the depths of our love and passion by showing how well we know the other person and doing special things for one another that no one else would think to do. It is personal gestures, not just candlelight or roses, but gestures that mean something, that say something, often without the use of spoken words. A look, a touch, a knowing nod or sigh, an extended hand, and arm around the shoulder, a gentle kiss on the cheek at just the right moment.
It can also be whisking your spouse away from it all when he or she needs it the most. It can be an overnight getaway to nurture your relationship away from other influences or demands. Romance means different things to different people, but I have never felt more romanced than when my husband does something special, to make me feel special, something thoughtful that he came up with that is just for me.
I try to return the favor, and while some of the things we do for each other might not seem too romantic to other people, they work for us. Sometimes it isn’t even a gesture, but a statement, a sentiment, a word. My husband seems to know me very well, at least most of the time, and when he knows just what to say or do to make me feel better or make me feel special, I can’t think of anything that could be more romantic.

Love for Real or Reel? “Quest for the Real Love” (part 2 of 2)

by Christian Ongtangco

We’ve finally arrived to the 2nd part of this blog series I wrote 3 years ago, ( see part 1)

I was in the hospital while writing this down, I wander why do we call the sick people “patient” was it because they have to wait first in order get treatment and healing they need? I know you already have an idea of the  mostly quoted verse in the Bible when it comes to “Love” in 1st Cor.13:4, The first characteristic of Love is Patient…. and it goes on in saying that it is kind, self-less, it trusts, hopes, and always perseveres…it never fails.

After writing my previous blog, Lots of people started asking me different questions like,” Ikakasal ka na ba? (Are you getting married) ” What inspired me to write these blogs? (You have to know this was 3 years ago, but now I so glad to say we’re getting there!). Do you think you have the right to write about it even if you’re not yet married?

on Part 1, we saw how Love that’s for REEL looks like, The World’s prescription of Love. Now I want to share to you another model. Let use share to you what I believe to be the 4 kinds of Love;
1. Eros
– is what we call Erotic love. refers to “intimate love” or romantic love.

It is present in couples in a relationship, the lover and the beloved who are in boyfriend-girlfriend , fiancé-fiancée (must have guidelines) and husband-wife relationship. this is what what God longs for all of us to have.

Just like us God doesn’t want us to be with someone whom we are not attracted with. whom we don’t like and see ourselves growing old with the other person. This kind of love can be very powerful that “any mountains can be climb, anything can be done” out of this kind of love. This is a gift from God which every couple will fight for, for the rest of their lives.

This is where emotional and physical attractions are so much involved and must be backed up by Commitments. always remember, Love is a choice, a decision and a commitment . . .  not just a feeling and all emotions. Otherwise this can be deadly and poisonous if expressed prematurely, wrong person, wrong time. you may see “Fight for purity“. For couple who are not yet married (like us) Let’s not get involve physically until the right time. God’s timing is good, pleasing and perfect. (Rom 12:2)
2. Phileo

– the next ingredient is True friendship, this is where understanding, and intimacy partners share, being best friends, that’s where time, and walks and communication and sharing hearts is present. Brotherhood ,sisterhood (bff) bestfriend-kind-of-love.

This kind of love from friendships  are based on pure delight in the company of other people. People who drink together or share a hobby may have such friendships. Where both friends enjoy each other’s characters.

Mr. Webster puts like like this “As long as both friends keep similar characters, the relationship will endure since the motive behind it is care for the friend. This is the highest level of philia, and in modern English might be called true friendship.”

In my own opinion, You can have all the “Eros love” in the world and both of you are truly madly deeply “in-love” with each other but if you two where not friends, that relationship is still superficial and it can’t last. all the more when wrinkles , “ugly spots” , weaknesses and problems arise couple need to be friends who will be partners and work like a team and friends who will help, support, serve prioritize and understanding each other.

3. Storge

Family love – this kind of love is not mentioned but has been described and demonstrated in the bible. its is the love we give and the love we receive in our family. Parent to child/ren. Father or mother-to-a-child kind of love.

4. Agape

– and last and most importantly Agape Love.  The love of God or Christ for mankind.

it refers to the fatherly love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God; the term necessarily extends to the love of one’s fellow man. Many have thought that this word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful Love.

We know God is the source of this love. Here we ourselves to be God’s conduit, channel of love towards one another. God’s amazing love can be seen, manifested and experienced through each others’ life and desire to unconditionally love. It’s the idea of being brother and sister in Christ, loving one another radically, That’s giving the other person what they need the most when they deserve it the least.

Agape love is doing what you choose is right (in light of God’s love) because you care, not because of what you feel. Partners always encourage each other to come to God first and foremost. This is why God has to be in the center of every relationship (Ecc 4:12)

I think by this time, you know what’s on my mind,  Yes you got it right. God prescription of Love;

Eros + Phileo + Storge = Agape Love

Agape love surpasses everything. Agape love in and through our lives.

Agape is Real Love

I believe all three needs to be nourished, If we want to have a long, lasting relationship (even for singles we need to know about this and be equipped for the the future) all three must be present.
If you we’re saying it’s hard, difficult and impossible. My response to you would be a big Yes. No one can do it in their marriage and relationship. Because this is something unattainable by human efforts but I believe this is what God wants for us. left to ourselves you cannot do it, even the two of you cannot do it. that’s why we need God to be in the center of our relationship. Not by might nor by our own works but by His Amazing Grace (Eph 2:6-8), His great and unconditional love that is already made available for us.
We want to encourage you to invite God and make Him the center, our priority, source of all love and affection. Once He becomes the source, we will never ran out of love to give. you may want to see my other blog “In love forever”
If you like this post, please don’t hesitate to share, tweet, comment or subscribe to  our blog posts. We hope to hear from you too. Thanks a lot and God bless you!

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