God in the center of our relationships

Posts tagged ‘love’

What Does It Mean to Respect Your Husband?

by: Grace Driscoll
“. . . let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

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In order to obtain oneness and worship our Lord with our marriages, as women and wives we need to correctly understand the need for respect. Respect is to notice, regard, honor, prefer, defer to, encourage, love, and admire. Men and women were created with equal worth but different roles. Though men are not exempt from respecting their wives, God created the woman to help (Genesis 2:18) and respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33).

Women are prone to ask other women what methods they use as respectful helpers, or to read books such as Real Marriage seeking to be told what to do. What follows are some of the lessons I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made over the years. My prayer is that it encourages you to be the respectful wife that God has created you to be.

Heads of Respect
Respect starts in our heads, and includes our mind and thoughts. Disrespect also starts in our heads and can over time affect our hearts and hands.

Disrespect starts when we think things like: That was a dumb decision he made, I can do better than that. I wish he were more like _____, or, I’ll just fix all the things he does wrong. I hope the kids don’t grow up to be like him. When he is out of town life is easier. I won’t ask him because he won’t understand. If you are thinking this way toward your husband and let it continue, it will seep into your heart and eventually come out in your words and actions toward your husband.

Confess your sin of disrespecting authority to God and your husband, and be willing to listen to the Holy Spirit’s conviction for change.

Begin developing new habits of biblical thinking by being thankful for your husband’s gifts and strengths, rather than being bitter about his weaknesses and shortcomings. I encourage you to take time to observe your husband closely and even start a journal or make a list of things you appreciate about him.

Hearts of Respect
If our hearts are working toward respect, our mouths will follow, because “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). Do you tend to respond to your husband with criticism or with silence?

When you talk about him in public or with others do you tear him down or build him up? Are you careful not to gossip about him, or do you freely share your issues with others? Are you a wife who criticizes, contradicts, or sneers at your husband? Do you “joke” about his lack of abilities or his way of doing things? Do you cut him down in front of the kids?

Also, it’s important to remember that we don’t change our husbands—the Holy Spirit does! Use your words to pray for and help him instead of belittling him. Use your words to pray for yourself that you would practice self-control (Ephesians 4:29). Sometimes we don’t even hear ourselves, because our words can be subtle disrespect, so we might need others whom we trust to help us assess our hearts and mouths.

Hands of Respect
God created women to be helpers, which is a reflection of his character. God said, “It is not good that man should be alone,” so he created a helper for Adam (Genesis 2:18). It’s important to note that the word “helper” does not denigrate the wife; in fact, God is also referred to as our helper (Psalm 10:14; 118:6-7; Hebrews 13:6).

As a helper, a wife is called to become a companion in her husband’s God-given calling. This is what 1 Corinthians 11:7–9 means. Upon marriage, a woman’s life changes as she joins her husband in his life’s course.

Hands That Pray

Prayer softens our hearts and our husband’s hearts. If you only pray for him to change, then you won’t see your own sin too. Prayer reminds us of our total dependence upon God.

When I pray for Mark, he feels respected and loved. I look at his calendar for the day and pray for teaching sessions, meetings, appointments, safety, wisdom, and other things God brings to mind. We also enjoy prayers of thankfulness together when we see God’s grace in our lives. When Mark is sad, upset, stressed, or discouraged, I offer to pray out loud with him.

Hands That Touch
Physical affection is key to intimacy. If your husband enjoys touch, you probably can’t go overboard on this one. If your husband is more reserved, you can still express comfort through holding hands, neck rubs, and meaningful kisses.

Sex for the purpose of oneness usually doesn’t just “happen” at the end of a long day without working toward it throughout the day. Don’t get into a habit of only touching him when he is leaving the house once a day. Rather, learn to enjoy playfulness that leads to deeper intimacy and sex. Try meeting him for lunch appointments when possible. Instead of demands when he arrives home from work, greet him at the door with a hug or kiss. Text him during the day to let him know you are thinking about him.

Hands That Feed

Take time to plan a menu for the week (or month) so you aren’t throwing unhealthy things together for dinner or tempted to always eat out. Your husband will have more mental, physical, and emotional energy if he is not eating simple carbs and sugar all day.

Hands That Hunt and Fish
Be unselfish. Mark loves baseball, so I have attended many games and learned how baseball works. He also loves to study the culture by watching some of the popular TV shows, so I watch shows with him that wouldn’t be my first choice. The point is to do activities that your husband likes to do and have fun with it, not be disgruntled.

Hands That Open the Bible
Grow your relationship with Jesus. If you aren’t getting fed through Bible reading, prayer, and personal repentance, then it will be impossible to know how to serve and respect your husband.

Since respect is a command, God doesn’t leave us clueless and unable: he will give us the wisdom and strength to carry it out. We have to stay connected to Jesus in order to keep our husbands a priority over tasks, kids, other people, and the pull of culture.

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Top 10 things Women wish Men would do

In my one year of being in a relationship with Ayi (my fiancée) and spending time with her women friends, I came up with this list;

 

 

 

 

 

 
– Symphatize; don’t fix (hearing is not equals listening)
– Buy more flowers (never stop pursuing her)
– Take her out to dinner. (memories to remember)
– Take her shopping (have a company)
– Tell her a song reminds him of her. (this can be romantic!)
– Give her cards and notes (in other words be thoughtful)
– Spend more time with her (be a friend)
– Smell good (needs no further explanation)

Be Patient

Since she was seven years old… (see the caption below)

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Shakespeare in Love?

Nowadays, It’s popular to hear “pickup lines” or cheesy lines in our country. You would hear it almost everywhere! Try to tell a starry-eyed young man that he is not really in love but that he is only infatuated and you’ll have a hard time trying to convince him.He can tell you stories, pick-up lines, sing you songs and read to you poems  about “true love.” 🙂

He knows what he feels, and it feels great. Nothing can stop him. But he better enjoy the roller-coaster ride while it lasts, because it has predictable end point.

If there is one fact that I would want to share in this blog with full assurance, it is this:
                             “The excitement of infatuation is  never a permanent condition.”
Many of you may not agree with this statement. Just a little bit of history, Did you know that the idea of marriage based on romantic affection is a very recent development in human affairs? Before A.D. 1200, weddings were arranged by the families of the bride and groom, and it never occurred to anyone that they were supposed to “fall in love.” now don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean no emotions at all.
In fact, the concept of romantic love was actually popularized by William Shakespeare.

Now don’t get me wrong. Romantic love is fun and it feels good but If you expect to live on the top of that mountain, year after year,  you can forget it! Emotions swing from high to low to high in unpredictable rhythm, and since romantic excitement is an emotion, it too will certainly vary or change because it’s temporary. If the thrill of sexual encounter is identified as genuine love, chances are, you’re disillusioned, don’t be surprised if disappointments, hurts and pain will one day show up at your front door. We won’t allow this to happen.
My heart goes out for the many young couples, “fall in love with love” on the first date – and lock themselves into marriage before their natural swing of emotions dropped or go on a dip. Then one day they’ll wake up one morning without that neat feeling and conclude that” love” has died. In reality, it was never there in the first place. I thank God for friends and mentors who were there to coach and help me see the difference with “Love at first sight” or Infatuation with real Love.Thank you Lord!
Probably you’re saying, Are you kidding me?
I’m not kidding , sad and disheartening to say , but they were fooled by an emotional high.
Lots of teenagers, young men and women were trapped by this type of “romantic love”.

Truth is, even when a man and woman live each other deeply and genuinely, they will find themselves supercharged on one occasion and emotionally bland on another. You see, their love is not defined by highs and lows, regardless of the circumstances , whatever happens, fight for it, to stay in love.
Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with the concept of “one-woman-man” or “one man woman” or what we call, permanent marriage.
Because genuine love is a decision. It is rooted in a commitment of the will.
Real love, is an expression of the deepest appreciation for another human being; it is an intense awareness of his or her needs and longings for the past, present and future. It is unselfish and giving and caring. It’s something you don’t fall into, rather, you grew into it. again Love is a decision.

 

Related posts;

Love vs. Infatuation

Real Love part 1

Real Love part 2

Friendship in Marriage

by Maximizing Marriages

The following is a quick one and a half minute video of Dr. John Maxwell speaking on the subject of marriage.

Commitment and Friendship – these are the two essentials of marriage as shared above. Incidentally, these two are included in the “7 Building Blocks of Lasting Marriages” seminar that I created early this year.

Friendship

Marriage is not only a partnership but also a friendship. What I mean is the loose, non-formal, “just-hanging-out” aspect of friendship. You see, many of us began as friends and deepened our friendships with our partner before we got married. But what happened after the wedding and as the years passed by?

We became inundated with responsibilities such that we barely have time to just relax and play a game or sport together. Or perhaps there’s too much tension and conflict between you and your spouse that caused you to drift away from each other.

I’ve been there and done that. Here’s my conclusion. A good friendship with your partner will not simply come about out of thin air. Friendship has to be cultivated intentionally. You have to carve out time where you can just relax, enjoy, and simply hang out with your spouse like what you actually do with “friends.”

Go For It
1) Talk to your partner and pick a relaxing activity which you will both enjoy. (Some ideas: play badminton, watch a movie, have a massage, go to the beach, etc.)

2) Schedule some time within the week for that activity. Make time for it! (No excuses.)

It isn’t love if…

 

 

For all you people who say “I love you” when you have no clue what exactly love is !!!

Something to ponder upon…

 

Are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing
and is your voice caught within your chest?

-It isn’t love, it’s LIKE.

You can’t keep your eyes or hands off of
them, am I right??

-It isn’t love, it’s LUST.

Are you proud, and eager to show them off??

-It isn’t love, it’s LUCK.

Do you want them because you know they’re
there??

-It isn’t love, it’s LONELINESS.

Are you there because it’s what everyone
wants??

-It isn’t love, it’S LOYALTY.

Are you there because they kissed you, or
held your hand??

-It isn’t love, it’s LOW CONFIDENCE.

Do you stay for their confessions of love,
because you don’t want to hurt them??

-It isn’t love, it’s PITY.

Do you belong to them because their sight
makes your heart skip a beat??

-It isn’t love, it’s INFATUATION.

Do you pardon their faults because you care
about them??

-It isn’t love, it’s FRIENDSHIP.

Do you tell them every day they are the only
one you think of??

-It isn’t love, it’s a LIE.

Are you willing to give all of your favorite
things for their sake??

-It isn’t love, it’s CHARITY.

Does your heart ache and break when they’re
sad??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you cry for their pain, even when they’re
strong??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch
your soul so deeply it hurts??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you stay because a blinding,
incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls
you close and holds you there??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Do you accept their faults because they’re a
part of who they are??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Are you attracted to others, but stay with them
faithfully without regret??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Would you give them your heart, your life, your
death??

-Then it’s LOVE.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so,
why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self? Why?
The answer is so simple cause it’s…LOVE.

Love for Real or Reel? “Quest for the Real Love” (part 2 of 2)

by Christian Ongtangco

We’ve finally arrived to the 2nd part of this blog series I wrote 3 years ago, ( see part 1)

I was in the hospital while writing this down, I wander why do we call the sick people “patient” was it because they have to wait first in order get treatment and healing they need? I know you already have an idea of the  mostly quoted verse in the Bible when it comes to “Love” in 1st Cor.13:4, The first characteristic of Love is Patient…. and it goes on in saying that it is kind, self-less, it trusts, hopes, and always perseveres…it never fails.

After writing my previous blog, Lots of people started asking me different questions like,” Ikakasal ka na ba? (Are you getting married) ” What inspired me to write these blogs? (You have to know this was 3 years ago, but now I so glad to say we’re getting there!). Do you think you have the right to write about it even if you’re not yet married?

on Part 1, we saw how Love that’s for REEL looks like, The World’s prescription of Love. Now I want to share to you another model. Let use share to you what I believe to be the 4 kinds of Love;
1. Eros
– is what we call Erotic love. refers to “intimate love” or romantic love.

It is present in couples in a relationship, the lover and the beloved who are in boyfriend-girlfriend , fiancé-fiancée (must have guidelines) and husband-wife relationship. this is what what God longs for all of us to have.

Just like us God doesn’t want us to be with someone whom we are not attracted with. whom we don’t like and see ourselves growing old with the other person. This kind of love can be very powerful that “any mountains can be climb, anything can be done” out of this kind of love. This is a gift from God which every couple will fight for, for the rest of their lives.

This is where emotional and physical attractions are so much involved and must be backed up by Commitments. always remember, Love is a choice, a decision and a commitment . . .  not just a feeling and all emotions. Otherwise this can be deadly and poisonous if expressed prematurely, wrong person, wrong time. you may see “Fight for purity“. For couple who are not yet married (like us) Let’s not get involve physically until the right time. God’s timing is good, pleasing and perfect. (Rom 12:2)
2. Phileo

– the next ingredient is True friendship, this is where understanding, and intimacy partners share, being best friends, that’s where time, and walks and communication and sharing hearts is present. Brotherhood ,sisterhood (bff) bestfriend-kind-of-love.

This kind of love from friendships  are based on pure delight in the company of other people. People who drink together or share a hobby may have such friendships. Where both friends enjoy each other’s characters.

Mr. Webster puts like like this “As long as both friends keep similar characters, the relationship will endure since the motive behind it is care for the friend. This is the highest level of philia, and in modern English might be called true friendship.”

In my own opinion, You can have all the “Eros love” in the world and both of you are truly madly deeply “in-love” with each other but if you two where not friends, that relationship is still superficial and it can’t last. all the more when wrinkles , “ugly spots” , weaknesses and problems arise couple need to be friends who will be partners and work like a team and friends who will help, support, serve prioritize and understanding each other.

3. Storge

Family love – this kind of love is not mentioned but has been described and demonstrated in the bible. its is the love we give and the love we receive in our family. Parent to child/ren. Father or mother-to-a-child kind of love.

4. Agape

– and last and most importantly Agape Love.  The love of God or Christ for mankind.

it refers to the fatherly love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God; the term necessarily extends to the love of one’s fellow man. Many have thought that this word represents divine, unconditional, self-sacrificing, active, volitional, and thoughtful Love.

We know God is the source of this love. Here we ourselves to be God’s conduit, channel of love towards one another. God’s amazing love can be seen, manifested and experienced through each others’ life and desire to unconditionally love. It’s the idea of being brother and sister in Christ, loving one another radically, That’s giving the other person what they need the most when they deserve it the least.

Agape love is doing what you choose is right (in light of God’s love) because you care, not because of what you feel. Partners always encourage each other to come to God first and foremost. This is why God has to be in the center of every relationship (Ecc 4:12)

I think by this time, you know what’s on my mind,  Yes you got it right. God prescription of Love;

Eros + Phileo + Storge = Agape Love

Agape love surpasses everything. Agape love in and through our lives.

Agape is Real Love

I believe all three needs to be nourished, If we want to have a long, lasting relationship (even for singles we need to know about this and be equipped for the the future) all three must be present.
If you we’re saying it’s hard, difficult and impossible. My response to you would be a big Yes. No one can do it in their marriage and relationship. Because this is something unattainable by human efforts but I believe this is what God wants for us. left to ourselves you cannot do it, even the two of you cannot do it. that’s why we need God to be in the center of our relationship. Not by might nor by our own works but by His Amazing Grace (Eph 2:6-8), His great and unconditional love that is already made available for us.
We want to encourage you to invite God and make Him the center, our priority, source of all love and affection. Once He becomes the source, we will never ran out of love to give. you may want to see my other blog “In love forever”
If you like this post, please don’t hesitate to share, tweet, comment or subscribe to  our blog posts. We hope to hear from you too. Thanks a lot and God bless you!

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