God in the center of our relationships

Posts tagged ‘romance’

What we need to teach our sons and daughters

 

Taken from Ate Nove’s twitter post

 

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Top 10 things Women wish Men would do

In my one year of being in a relationship with Ayi (my fiancée) and spending time with her women friends, I came up with this list;

 

 

 

 

 

 
– Symphatize; don’t fix (hearing is not equals listening)
– Buy more flowers (never stop pursuing her)
– Take her out to dinner. (memories to remember)
– Take her shopping (have a company)
– Tell her a song reminds him of her. (this can be romantic!)
– Give her cards and notes (in other words be thoughtful)
– Spend more time with her (be a friend)
– Smell good (needs no further explanation)

Shakespeare in Love?

Nowadays, It’s popular to hear “pickup lines” or cheesy lines in our country. You would hear it almost everywhere! Try to tell a starry-eyed young man that he is not really in love but that he is only infatuated and you’ll have a hard time trying to convince him.He can tell you stories, pick-up lines, sing you songs and read to you poems  about “true love.” 🙂

He knows what he feels, and it feels great. Nothing can stop him. But he better enjoy the roller-coaster ride while it lasts, because it has predictable end point.

If there is one fact that I would want to share in this blog with full assurance, it is this:
                             “The excitement of infatuation is  never a permanent condition.”
Many of you may not agree with this statement. Just a little bit of history, Did you know that the idea of marriage based on romantic affection is a very recent development in human affairs? Before A.D. 1200, weddings were arranged by the families of the bride and groom, and it never occurred to anyone that they were supposed to “fall in love.” now don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean no emotions at all.
In fact, the concept of romantic love was actually popularized by William Shakespeare.

Now don’t get me wrong. Romantic love is fun and it feels good but If you expect to live on the top of that mountain, year after year,  you can forget it! Emotions swing from high to low to high in unpredictable rhythm, and since romantic excitement is an emotion, it too will certainly vary or change because it’s temporary. If the thrill of sexual encounter is identified as genuine love, chances are, you’re disillusioned, don’t be surprised if disappointments, hurts and pain will one day show up at your front door. We won’t allow this to happen.
My heart goes out for the many young couples, “fall in love with love” on the first date – and lock themselves into marriage before their natural swing of emotions dropped or go on a dip. Then one day they’ll wake up one morning without that neat feeling and conclude that” love” has died. In reality, it was never there in the first place. I thank God for friends and mentors who were there to coach and help me see the difference with “Love at first sight” or Infatuation with real Love.Thank you Lord!
Probably you’re saying, Are you kidding me?
I’m not kidding , sad and disheartening to say , but they were fooled by an emotional high.
Lots of teenagers, young men and women were trapped by this type of “romantic love”.

Truth is, even when a man and woman live each other deeply and genuinely, they will find themselves supercharged on one occasion and emotionally bland on another. You see, their love is not defined by highs and lows, regardless of the circumstances , whatever happens, fight for it, to stay in love.
Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with the concept of “one-woman-man” or “one man woman” or what we call, permanent marriage.
Because genuine love is a decision. It is rooted in a commitment of the will.
Real love, is an expression of the deepest appreciation for another human being; it is an intense awareness of his or her needs and longings for the past, present and future. It is unselfish and giving and caring. It’s something you don’t fall into, rather, you grew into it. again Love is a decision.

 

Related posts;

Love vs. Infatuation

Real Love part 1

Real Love part 2

Is PDA (Public Display of Affection) ok?

One night, while seating comfortably in my seat in a public car on my way to see a friend, a couple all of a sudden started kissing and hugging each other in a very uncomfortable way which has been disturbing with the rest of the passenger of that car. I started praying and thought of writing this blog.

Please don’t get me wrong, I think PDA is NOT totally wrong but NOT totally right. Teachers and coaches sometimes used this term to inform students that they were getting too cozy with their girlfriend or boyfriend. Some couples are more affectionate than others. They feel that they display their love for one another by holding hands and touching. Other married couples feel that they can get cozy in the privacy of their homes without having to do so in public. They prefer to keep their affections at a more private level.

Ayi and I would always grin at each other whenever we see couples draped across one another in restaurants, driving down the road, in parks, and shopping centers we guard our hearts from pride or think we are holier because we don’t do what they do.

I’m sure we have all probably been in a situation when we are in a public location and two adults soon catch our eye. These adults are caught in the mist of a very passion kiss or with wandering hands that the public should not be allowed to see. A lot of them might be unaware or ignorant that when it’s done some people to feel uncomfortable.

I once asked Ayi, Should public locations be allowed to ask couples to leave due to an OVER display of public affection?
I like how a friend of mine described it “Public displays of affection can be inappropriate depending on where you are and how far you go with it.”

Here’s from a blog I read,  “Basically, the point I am trying to get across is that PDA-ing is not always okay. In fact, if more couples actually paid attention to how others react to their displays of affection, they would notice that many people become exasperated or look down upon them because of it.”

“You don’t have to be climbing all over each other or putting on some kind of a sex show to prove you appreciate your partner, being comfortable enough to stroll down Grafton Street hand-in-hand is a better indicator that your relationship is solid.” says Anne Sexton.

I know of a couple who never even hold hands when in public, but very expressive with their affection in other ways (words, service, time and gifts). Should we “cookie-cut” it with every relationship? Do Ayi and I PDA? Yes, for us “HHWW” or “Holding hands while walking” is ok. We make it a goal not to make the people around us uncomfortable.

We remind each other “Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.” There’s a time for everything. If your a MARRIED couple,  It’s our goal as a couple to make people comfortable whenever we’re around.

“…But set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.”- 1 Timothy 4:12We want to here from you? What do you think about P.D.A?

*Please note that this post is for couples in a relationship.

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What does romance mean to you?

by Sherry Holetzky

What is your idea of romance? Does it mean passion or sensuousness or do you think of it more in terms of thoughtful expressions of love? Some people relate romance to sexual experiences, like the torrid, swept away relationships described in dime store romance novels. That isn’t my idea of romance.
For me, romance means thoughtfulness. It is the way we show each other the depths of our love and passion by showing how well we know the other person and doing special things for one another that no one else would think to do. It is personal gestures, not just candlelight or roses, but gestures that mean something, that say something, often without the use of spoken words. A look, a touch, a knowing nod or sigh, an extended hand, and arm around the shoulder, a gentle kiss on the cheek at just the right moment.
It can also be whisking your spouse away from it all when he or she needs it the most. It can be an overnight getaway to nurture your relationship away from other influences or demands. Romance means different things to different people, but I have never felt more romanced than when my husband does something special, to make me feel special, something thoughtful that he came up with that is just for me.
I try to return the favor, and while some of the things we do for each other might not seem too romantic to other people, they work for us. Sometimes it isn’t even a gesture, but a statement, a sentiment, a word. My husband seems to know me very well, at least most of the time, and when he knows just what to say or do to make me feel better or make me feel special, I can’t think of anything that could be more romantic.

Friendship in Marriage

by Maximizing Marriages

The following is a quick one and a half minute video of Dr. John Maxwell speaking on the subject of marriage.

Commitment and Friendship – these are the two essentials of marriage as shared above. Incidentally, these two are included in the “7 Building Blocks of Lasting Marriages” seminar that I created early this year.

Friendship

Marriage is not only a partnership but also a friendship. What I mean is the loose, non-formal, “just-hanging-out” aspect of friendship. You see, many of us began as friends and deepened our friendships with our partner before we got married. But what happened after the wedding and as the years passed by?

We became inundated with responsibilities such that we barely have time to just relax and play a game or sport together. Or perhaps there’s too much tension and conflict between you and your spouse that caused you to drift away from each other.

I’ve been there and done that. Here’s my conclusion. A good friendship with your partner will not simply come about out of thin air. Friendship has to be cultivated intentionally. You have to carve out time where you can just relax, enjoy, and simply hang out with your spouse like what you actually do with “friends.”

Go For It
1) Talk to your partner and pick a relaxing activity which you will both enjoy. (Some ideas: play badminton, watch a movie, have a massage, go to the beach, etc.)

2) Schedule some time within the week for that activity. Make time for it! (No excuses.)

Why Marriage Cannot Save you

By Sean Si

As single men and women, we all look forward to that glorious day when we will be married to the person we love. It is something that we all hope and aspire for. In a world saturated with pornography, sex and indulgence, lust is rampant. And we think that the solution is marriage – isn’t it?

 

Don’t wait for marriage to change you

 

This entry has been inspired by the book Every Young Man’s Battle by Fred Stoeker and Stephen Arterburn

A sanctuary against lust?

We think that once we get married, lust is not an issue anymore. Hey, we can satisfy our sexual desires in a way that is legitimate and morally acceptable to God in marriage, can we not? Yes, of course we can. But that doesn’t mean that we won’t get tempted with lust anymore.

From a very young age, people now are very vulnerable to getting exposed with pornography. And young Christian men and women struggle with lust ever since they can remember. Let’s face it, one reason why we look forward to marriage so much is because we have this mindset that it will somehow free us from this bondage of lust.

It most certainly won’t. Why? Simply because marriage does not, in any way, change who you are.

 

A piece of paper

I’m not saying that marriage should be taken for granted. No. Marriage is a piece of paper that testifies to your choice of committment and love to another person. It is proof that you have decided on abiding to a higher law. A law above your feelings and emotions and time. It is a law outside of this world. It is a law of God.

That piece of paper is vital. It is important. Never do business with a person who says otherwise.

But a piece of paper is not meant to change who you are. You are the only one who can change yourself – by making a choice. A choice to love and follow God and reject sin and lust.

That is why so many people wake up and realize that a wedding ring isn’t magic. A wedding ring is not a catalyst to changing who they are. And that is exactly because it is not meant to do so. A wedding ring is meant to be proof that you have decided to love someone unconditionally and nothing else. It is not meant to change you.

 

Don’t wait ’til marriage

Decide to fight lust now. Look at the truths about lust in the Bible and how devastating it is to just let it run loose in your life. It’s not easy. It takes decision, disciple and the Holy Spirit to help you overcome lust. But the alternative is devastating – living life with an addiction to lustful thoughts and sensuality.

Lust can destroy your marriage. Don’t wait until marriage for you to change. Look at all the adulterous relationships happening in our world. Married men are hooked into adultery, addicted to pornography and defeated into masturbation. Don’t think that once you’re married, masturbation goes out the window. It doesn’t.

Marriage is not about getting sex. If you make it so, you’re not really committing to love unconditionally. Sex is a part of marriage, not vice versa.

Lust is something that consistently knocks

on your door. Marriage is not something that can block it out.

Marriage can’t save you.

Don’t wait until you get there. Make a decision to stand against lust today.

 

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