God in the center of our relationships

Posts tagged ‘marriage’

Seven Ways To Destroy Your Marriage

Want to absolutely destroy your marriage?  Here are seven ways that always work!

from Pastor Perry Noble

#1 – Refuse To Communicate

Talk about the person and not to them because doing so will be awkward…this will assure destruction!  And, the silent treatment is really an amazing weapon when it comes to refusing to communicate, don’t worry about the fact that five year olds do it…just own it!

#2 – Refuse To Listen

Interrupting my spouse during conflict to immediately correct them and then trying my best to make a stronger point always helps tear a relationship to pieces!

#3 – Always Assuming The Absolute Worse About Your Spouse

As soon as I hear (or even think about) something negative about my spouse it is absolutely essential to carry that thought to its fullest illogical conclusion.  Don’t EVER ask for an explanation or clarification as more open communication will lead to a stronger marriage!

#4 – Make Sure The Goal Is To Win The Argument Rather Than Actually Settle The Dispute

If you realize you are wrong about something you must allow pride to dominate your thought life, thus unleashing a barrage of accusations that actually have nothing to do with what the original argument/discussion had to do with in the first place!  Win at all costs, even if it means saying things that hurt and wound deeply.

#5 – You Must View Your Spouse As Your Enemy, NOT Your Friend

You cannot see your spouse and you as being on the same team if you want a great marriage, you must view everything as some sort of game and make it a goal to compete with them and not actually complete them.

#6 – Focus As Much As Possible On Their Inadequacies & Shortcomings

You’ve GOT to talk about how much they are “not meeting your needs” and how they need to “step up and do better” as often as possible.  By all means do NOT take a look at yourself and what you could do to improve the marriage.  Everything MUST be blamed on them and you’ve got to see yourself as flawless and perfect.

#7 – Do NOT Have Fun Together

Heck no!!!  You need your set of friends and your spouse needs their set.  Don’t have mutual friends.  Don’t have date nights.  Don’t do anything fun as a family.  Make sure that when you are out on a date as a couple you spend as much time on your phone with someone else as possible because communication with your spouse will do nothing except make your marriage stronger.

Seven Ways You Can Make Your Marriage Awesome!

from Pastor Perry Noble

#1 – Stop Fighting IN IT and Start Fighting For It – as long as you see your spouse as the enemy your home will always be a battlefield, and EVERYONE loses when you fight with each other and not for one another.

#2 – Stop Asking God To Fix Your Spouse And Ask Him To Fix You – no one in any marriage is perfect…and when we stop pointing out all of our spouses perceived inadequacies it really does make us a much better person to be around.  (Psalm 139:23-24 is a GREAT prayer to pray when asking God to show you your very own “opportunities for improvement.”)

#3 – Ask For Help – you are NOT the first married couple that has ever struggled, you WON’T be the last.  The problem is that (especially in church) we are so obsessed with what people may say or think that we will allow our relationships to implode.  We cannot allow our desire for appearance to distort the reality that we need help!

#4 – Ask The Lord To Allow You To See Your Spouse Through His Eyes – this can/will absolutely CHANGE your perspective on who you are married to…because you see them less and less as your spouse and more and more as a son/daughter of the KING!!!  How do you think He wants His child to be treated?

#5 – Choose Right Now That You Are Always Going To Believe The Best About Your Spouse – Love always assumes the best about a person (see I Corinthians 13,) if you are always assuming the worst about the person you are married to then you have a major problem and are placing them in a no win situation.

#6 – Stop Seeing Your Spouse As Your Servant But Rather Your Opportunity To Serve – As long as you see them as your servant you will always be tempted to point out their shortcomings in regards to the ways they are not meeting your perceived needs.  However, if you see them as your opportunity to serve it will completely change the dynamic and temperature of the relationship.

(And singles, this is for you as well…the best way to HAVE a great marriage is to actually prepare beforehand!)

Friendship in Marriage

by Maximizing Marriages

The following is a quick one and a half minute video of Dr. John Maxwell speaking on the subject of marriage.

Commitment and Friendship – these are the two essentials of marriage as shared above. Incidentally, these two are included in the “7 Building Blocks of Lasting Marriages” seminar that I created early this year.

Friendship

Marriage is not only a partnership but also a friendship. What I mean is the loose, non-formal, “just-hanging-out” aspect of friendship. You see, many of us began as friends and deepened our friendships with our partner before we got married. But what happened after the wedding and as the years passed by?

We became inundated with responsibilities such that we barely have time to just relax and play a game or sport together. Or perhaps there’s too much tension and conflict between you and your spouse that caused you to drift away from each other.

I’ve been there and done that. Here’s my conclusion. A good friendship with your partner will not simply come about out of thin air. Friendship has to be cultivated intentionally. You have to carve out time where you can just relax, enjoy, and simply hang out with your spouse like what you actually do with “friends.”

Go For It
1) Talk to your partner and pick a relaxing activity which you will both enjoy. (Some ideas: play badminton, watch a movie, have a massage, go to the beach, etc.)

2) Schedule some time within the week for that activity. Make time for it! (No excuses.)

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