God in the center of our relationships

Archive for the ‘Marriage’ Category

Seven Ways You Can Make Your Marriage Awesome!

from Pastor Perry Noble

#1 – Stop Fighting IN IT and Start Fighting For It – as long as you see your spouse as the enemy your home will always be a battlefield, and EVERYONE loses when you fight with each other and not for one another.

#2 – Stop Asking God To Fix Your Spouse And Ask Him To Fix You – no one in any marriage is perfect…and when we stop pointing out all of our spouses perceived inadequacies it really does make us a much better person to be around.  (Psalm 139:23-24 is a GREAT prayer to pray when asking God to show you your very own “opportunities for improvement.”)

#3 – Ask For Help – you are NOT the first married couple that has ever struggled, you WON’T be the last.  The problem is that (especially in church) we are so obsessed with what people may say or think that we will allow our relationships to implode.  We cannot allow our desire for appearance to distort the reality that we need help!

#4 – Ask The Lord To Allow You To See Your Spouse Through His Eyes – this can/will absolutely CHANGE your perspective on who you are married to…because you see them less and less as your spouse and more and more as a son/daughter of the KING!!!  How do you think He wants His child to be treated?

#5 – Choose Right Now That You Are Always Going To Believe The Best About Your Spouse – Love always assumes the best about a person (see I Corinthians 13,) if you are always assuming the worst about the person you are married to then you have a major problem and are placing them in a no win situation.

#6 – Stop Seeing Your Spouse As Your Servant But Rather Your Opportunity To Serve – As long as you see them as your servant you will always be tempted to point out their shortcomings in regards to the ways they are not meeting your perceived needs.  However, if you see them as your opportunity to serve it will completely change the dynamic and temperature of the relationship.

(And singles, this is for you as well…the best way to HAVE a great marriage is to actually prepare beforehand!)

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Roles and Rules on Relationships

Male Roles

Opens the Jar
Doesn’t ask for directions
Least likely to cry
Less expressive
Less vulnerable
The one who asks out
The one who pays
Looking for respect and appreciation
Considers beauty in a mate important

Female roles

Eats what’s in the jar
Loves to talk and connect verbally
Enjoys being thought of us beautiful
Gravitates to fuzzy creatures that new baby smell
Crave for romance and gives points to the male for it
Is looking for companionship
Considers safety to be paramount
More expressive
More emotional
The who is pursued

The Rules

Each unique, each different and yet potentially complementary. Thus we assume the following rules;

Men were made to chase
Women were made to be pursued
Men are generally the main providers
Women are nurturers
Men communicate differently than women

Tips on studying the girl

Reposting this blog from: actlikeaman.org

Here is a formspring question:

Can you give some practical guides in studying the girl?

They say if you want your relationship with your girlfriend/fiancee/ spouse to flourish you have to study them. Here are some practical ways to study your girl:

1. Listen to her.

If there is one thing a girl likes, it is a man who knows how to listen attentively. When she talks, listen sincerely.

2. Know what she likes and what she doesn’t like.

Sa Tagalog, alamin mo ang kiliti niya.

3. Know her love language.

Does she respond with words? with an act of service? with gifts? with time spend with her? with touch? Read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman for a detailed look on the love languages.

4. Communicate. 

Talk to her on your dates. Movie dates are ok but you don’t communicate on movie dates. Have coffee. For husbands, force yourself to dig deeper in the relationship. Sometimes the challenge is that there is nothing else to say but as you dig deeper or become more vulnerable, you are able to share a lot of what is in your heart.

5 Tips when Communicating with Men

from: ronedmondson.com

I hear from both sides continually. Between the two sexes, communication appears to be the biggest struggle. It’s a constant work in progress in my own marriage. The differences in men and women make communication difficult.

My counseling background and years of experience working with couples has given me insight into some of the barriers men and women face when communicating. I realize not all men are alike, but there are some generalities that can perhaps help a woman better understand a man and improve communication.

Here are 5 tips to communicating with a man:

We meant what we said…not what you heard – Thats true 99% of the time. (Statistically verifiable :) ) Men are usually more literal, and frankly simple-minded, so we aren’t usually talking in a code language. Not that women would be… :) Try to hear only what was said without attaching extra thoughts triggered by emotions. Ask if his statement had a deeper meaning before making assumptions. Most likely he meant only…nothing more…than what was said. (I can’t tell you how many classic examples of marriage problems I’ve seen develop with just this one tip.)

We don’t often like to give details – If we said where we were going, who we had a discussion with or what we had for lunch, that’s usually enough for us. We may not like going into detail beyond those simple facts. I understand you may need and even deserve more information, especially when a man hasn’t proven trustworthy, but know its often out of our realm of comfort to provide it. When it’s not a matter of trust, the less you pump for details the more likely we’ll be to share facts, and even occasionally, details.

Our range of emotions are limited – Most men don’t feel as deeply or multi-faceted as a woman feels about an issue. It’s not that we don’t care. It’s just that we are wired differently. If you ask us how we feel, “happy” or “sad” may be as descriptive as we can get. Because of this, men tend to communicate more factually and less emotionally.

When you may tend to cry we may tend to get angry – There is never an excuse to misuse anger and abuse of any kind should not be tolerated, but anger in itself is not a sin. The Bible says “in your anger do not sin”, but it seems to assume we will have moments of anger. The same things that cause most girl’s emotions to produce tears, often cause a man to develop testosterone-producing anger. A godly man learns to handle that anger responsibly, but it doesn’t eliminate the response. When an issue riles a man emotionally, it helps if you understand his emotions may be normal and you may even be able to help him channel his response to that emotion. Cheryl does that for me continually.

Sometimes we have a hard time communicating what’s on our heart…often we never do – This is sad and we may even know it. The more you make us feel we’ll be respected regardless of the situation or the emotions we display, the more likely you’ll see our true emotions. You can actually help us with this one!

Please understand. I’m not making excuses for men. The basic premise of all of these is to remember that men and women are different. I’m simply trying to help you communicate with a man.

Men, what did I miss?

Wives, any tips on how we could better understand you? I’ve learned a few and could share them, but thought it may come better from you :) .

You may also want to see : 5 tips when communicating with women

5 tips when communicating with women

from: ronedmondson.com

I have studied relationships, however, and I’ve studied my wife. My degree in counseling and experience working with hundreds of couples has helped me process some thoughts about men and women and how they communicate. I wrote these, but ran them by Cheryl prior to posting. As I said with the men, remember these are generalized statements, so not all women will fit in each of these.

Here are 5 tips when communicating with women:

There may be a deeper meaning – What a woman says most likely represents the way she feels, which may or may not be captured completely by the words she uses. It’s harder to put emotions into words. I find it important to ask Cheryl to clarify what she’s saying often. It sometimes helps if I repeat back what I think she’s saying, then allow her to tell me what I’m missing.

Emotions are attached so the way you say it is important – Valuing relationships and people, women tend to think and communicate more with their hearts. It’s more difficult for a woman to “set feelings aside”. They are relational and more subject to getting their feelings hurt. As with men, some women avoid conflict and some are more comfortable with it, but the approach of an issue is important for all women. Women don’t necessarily want to avoid discussing the difficult issues, but they do want men to consider how they say things. Words can have heavier meanings for a women, since they are often interpreted with emotions.

Details are important if they are attached to someone they love – I always joke that Cheryl can remember where the socks in the house are, because they are worn by someone she loves. Women want to know details of a man’s life because she loves the man. I have to remember this when Cheryl asks for more details about my day. Sometimes her questioning about is just so she can be a part of it; not to burden me with questions. Also, because trust develops with information and experience, and because women may live closer to the emotions of an issue than even the facts sometimes, details can be important in learning to trust a man. Knowledge and information helps keep the woman’s heart from emotions such as worry or fear.

Crying is a way to express and release emotions – With intense emotions; sometimes a woman can feel overwhelmed with stress, anger, grief or even pleasure. Tears are a natural reaction to life’s highs and low and are nothing to be feared. Cheryl knows, however, that when she cries I get uncomfortable. Just as a man needs to learn to use anger responsibly, the same is true of tears for a woman. Understanding this as a way of expressing emotions, however, goes a long way in helping a man cope with tears.

They don’t always need you to fix things…listen as they work through it – This is a hard lesson for a man. Cheryl processes with me as she shares the burdens of her day, a stress she feels, or a disappointment in her life. She doesn’t usually want me to have an answer…at least not immediately…she wants me to be a sounding board as she thinks through the issue. I’ve learned that sometimes it is best to say nothing…just listen…until she asks me for an opinion. Of course, when she says “Go” I’m ready with the solution. :)

Learning to communicate better as men and women makes life more enjoyable for both genders. Most women I know are willing to admit that a woman can be more complicated to understand than a man. I’ve learned by experience that when I don’t understand how to communicate with Cheryl…or what she is saying…or when I mess up…I get tremendous credit for asking her to help me understand. Cheryl always seems patient with me when I’m attempting to communicate better. Men, it’s worth the effort!

Women, what would you add to my list?

You may also want to see : 5 tips when communicating with men

Pickup lines of a Desperate Male

Here are some of rusted pickup lines…

What about you? Do you have your pickup lines too?

Marry your Daughter

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