I am a person who wants to do everything right. As much as possible, whenever I would do a project or a task, I want it to be by the book. It somehow gives me the assurance that if I follow a certain rule or standard, everything will work out just right. And being the conscientious type that I am, I often want to do things within my own comfort zone and try to avoid change or conflict.
When I entered a relationship with Christian, the man whom I really honor and admire- and now is my fiancé’ (Thank You Lord!) those strong beliefs that I have with how things “should” work out was totally challenged. I believe God used him to remind me a lot of things. At the beginning of our relationship, we immediately set our own boundaries when it comes to frequency of seeing each other, physical boundaries, curfews and all that we learned from the books we’ve read during our courtship season. It really felt good especially for me as I thought that we’re doing it right. But as we grew in our relationship together, God just rebuked me and revealed to me that I have that “secret pride” and that I am relying on my own “self-righteousness.” I was just humbled and amazed as to how God used my failures and weaknesses in our relationship to bring me a “bit “closer to understanding how his GRACE works. I just got reminded that apart from His grace, I CANNOT really do anything good. And if we would still try to live life by our own self-righteousness, only 2 things can happen: either we will become PROUD because suddenly we thought that we are better than everyone else because we are doing it “right” or it can bring a of feeling guilt, disappointment, and frustration if I fail to “strictly” follow our own standards.
Ahhhhhh..GRACE!!!As much as I want to explain it to you, I really cannot; because I don’t know how to explain it, Why? because I myself don’t fully understand how it works. When Jesus died for me when I was at my worst is grace. The fact that I am breathing right now and writing this blog is grace. What I just know is that GRACE doesn’t really have to be understood. It’s something we need to EXPERIENCE and EMBRACE everyday as we experience it. Have a grace-filled week to you!!!