God in the center of our relationships

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From the time you laid down your intentions of pursuing her. Courting her means chasing her.

And I needed to assure her that I’m serious with her. So asked my male friends to give me tips on how to  pursue someone “Paano ba manligaw?” I’ve gathered some of good tips and advices.

Here are just some things you both need to know when it comes to the relationship;

1. The man calls more

When it comes to phone calls, the man should be making most of them. Sure after a while the woman can do this too.

But the man should keep things interesting by making most of the effort. Chasing. I would try to call her just a few minutes before her work time, lunch time and after working hours. If she’s smart, she won’t return every phone call, because if she did, you might start to think she’s too easy to get a hold of.

My chase with Ayi was more exciting because I had no clue If she’ll say yes, and there’s a possibility I thought I might lose.

2. The man defines the relationship

My friend Val wrote a blog about defining your values. I also want to suggest that even if you’re in the season of courtship, men has to lead in defining the relationship’s existence. What’s his purpose? His values? Share his plans.

We know that women love to talk, and they love to define things when men lead cluelessly, women unknowingly take the men’s role of leadership. If she knows this, she’ll let you assess things, and when you think it’s time, you are the one who defines the relationship. You lead her to where next. I believe it has to be part of the chase thing. The woman doesn’t tell the man what’s going to happen next. In short man has to lead her woman.

3. The man gives more

For a woman, affection is largely related to things she gets. It’s not that all women are greedy, It’s just that cards, flowers, chocolates and notes, and even attention mean a lot to a woman. Give her thoughtful things now and then and she’ll feel loved. Overdo it and you’ll look desperate.

One powerful tip I got from my friend, Give gifts when they aren’t expected. Surprise them and don’t be too predictable , that can be boring for them.

As you pursue and chase your woman be reminded  that Men were wired Kings, Warriors, Mentors and Friend.

Fact: Did you know that U.S. porn revenue exceeds the combined revenues of the ABC, CBA and NBC television networks (6.2 billion).


“When a woman is dating a guy who is looking at porn. It makes her feel like he’s cheating on her. Is he really so weak and desperate for sex that he has to pretend he’s getting it from some imaginary woman he’ll never meet? Sorry. guys, but for most of us girls. It just makes you slimy.If you want to avoid looking desperate. Avoid looking at porn.
It’s just plain ugly.” – Hayley DiMarco.

Christian: If you’re a guy reading this you think you’re struggling with porn. I would like to encourage you this battle can be won. But you cannot do it alone. We men need help from other men to fight with us. And of course, we need God’s help as well. Please email me at christian.ongtangco@gmail.com if you need more information and help about it.

Here are 4 ways a man disrespects his woman;

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criticizing the way she keeps house
flirtijng with other women
commenting on the beauty of other women
not valling her when he’s going to be late.

The following are 4 ways woman disrepects her man;

disrespect.jpg

critizing his provision
fixing something he has already fixed
flirting with other men
fantasizing over celebrity men

by: Grace Driscoll
“. . . let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

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In order to obtain oneness and worship our Lord with our marriages, as women and wives we need to correctly understand the need for respect. Respect is to notice, regard, honor, prefer, defer to, encourage, love, and admire. Men and women were created with equal worth but different roles. Though men are not exempt from respecting their wives, God created the woman to help (Genesis 2:18) and respect her husband (Ephesians 5:33).

Women are prone to ask other women what methods they use as respectful helpers, or to read books such as Real Marriage seeking to be told what to do. What follows are some of the lessons I’ve learned from the mistakes I’ve made over the years. My prayer is that it encourages you to be the respectful wife that God has created you to be.

Heads of Respect
Respect starts in our heads, and includes our mind and thoughts. Disrespect also starts in our heads and can over time affect our hearts and hands.

Disrespect starts when we think things like: That was a dumb decision he made, I can do better than that. I wish he were more like _____, or, I’ll just fix all the things he does wrong. I hope the kids don’t grow up to be like him. When he is out of town life is easier. I won’t ask him because he won’t understand. If you are thinking this way toward your husband and let it continue, it will seep into your heart and eventually come out in your words and actions toward your husband.

Confess your sin of disrespecting authority to God and your husband, and be willing to listen to the Holy Spirit’s conviction for change.

Begin developing new habits of biblical thinking by being thankful for your husband’s gifts and strengths, rather than being bitter about his weaknesses and shortcomings. I encourage you to take time to observe your husband closely and even start a journal or make a list of things you appreciate about him.

Hearts of Respect
If our hearts are working toward respect, our mouths will follow, because “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matthew 12:34). Do you tend to respond to your husband with criticism or with silence?

When you talk about him in public or with others do you tear him down or build him up? Are you careful not to gossip about him, or do you freely share your issues with others? Are you a wife who criticizes, contradicts, or sneers at your husband? Do you “joke” about his lack of abilities or his way of doing things? Do you cut him down in front of the kids?

Also, it’s important to remember that we don’t change our husbands—the Holy Spirit does! Use your words to pray for and help him instead of belittling him. Use your words to pray for yourself that you would practice self-control (Ephesians 4:29). Sometimes we don’t even hear ourselves, because our words can be subtle disrespect, so we might need others whom we trust to help us assess our hearts and mouths.

Hands of Respect
God created women to be helpers, which is a reflection of his character. God said, “It is not good that man should be alone,” so he created a helper for Adam (Genesis 2:18). It’s important to note that the word “helper” does not denigrate the wife; in fact, God is also referred to as our helper (Psalm 10:14; 118:6-7; Hebrews 13:6).

As a helper, a wife is called to become a companion in her husband’s God-given calling. This is what 1 Corinthians 11:7–9 means. Upon marriage, a woman’s life changes as she joins her husband in his life’s course.

Hands That Pray

Prayer softens our hearts and our husband’s hearts. If you only pray for him to change, then you won’t see your own sin too. Prayer reminds us of our total dependence upon God.

When I pray for Mark, he feels respected and loved. I look at his calendar for the day and pray for teaching sessions, meetings, appointments, safety, wisdom, and other things God brings to mind. We also enjoy prayers of thankfulness together when we see God’s grace in our lives. When Mark is sad, upset, stressed, or discouraged, I offer to pray out loud with him.

Hands That Touch
Physical affection is key to intimacy. If your husband enjoys touch, you probably can’t go overboard on this one. If your husband is more reserved, you can still express comfort through holding hands, neck rubs, and meaningful kisses.

Sex for the purpose of oneness usually doesn’t just “happen” at the end of a long day without working toward it throughout the day. Don’t get into a habit of only touching him when he is leaving the house once a day. Rather, learn to enjoy playfulness that leads to deeper intimacy and sex. Try meeting him for lunch appointments when possible. Instead of demands when he arrives home from work, greet him at the door with a hug or kiss. Text him during the day to let him know you are thinking about him.

Hands That Feed

Take time to plan a menu for the week (or month) so you aren’t throwing unhealthy things together for dinner or tempted to always eat out. Your husband will have more mental, physical, and emotional energy if he is not eating simple carbs and sugar all day.

Hands That Hunt and Fish
Be unselfish. Mark loves baseball, so I have attended many games and learned how baseball works. He also loves to study the culture by watching some of the popular TV shows, so I watch shows with him that wouldn’t be my first choice. The point is to do activities that your husband likes to do and have fun with it, not be disgruntled.

Hands That Open the Bible
Grow your relationship with Jesus. If you aren’t getting fed through Bible reading, prayer, and personal repentance, then it will be impossible to know how to serve and respect your husband.

Since respect is a command, God doesn’t leave us clueless and unable: he will give us the wisdom and strength to carry it out. We have to stay connected to Jesus in order to keep our husbands a priority over tasks, kids, other people, and the pull of culture.

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